FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN

Starting Over

"Who is it"? asked Abhija.

"No one," said Manjari. She muted her phone and when it stopped ringing, she rubbed her temples, trying to think through the hurt that was defining her very existence now.

"What—Manjari-are you alright", asked Abhija concerned as she reached for her hand. "What happened Manjari", asked Abhija again.

"Nothing. I am sorry", Manjari said." Do not pay attention to me"

"What do you mean 'don't pay any attention to me?'. There is something that is upsetting you. Maybe I can help...I do not like to see you like this," she continued to say.

"If you need an ear to listen or anything else, I am here."

Manjari was overcome by her kind gesture and could only nod her head. Her phone began to buzz at the same time. It was a message from Neel. Abhija looked at her and said, "someone is desperate to talk to you. Take the call..." and patting her on her hand made her way to her bedroom.

Manjari read the message again and again till the words begun to blur into each other:"so, I wait for you like a lonely house till you will see me again and live in me. Till then my windows ache."Manjari breathed through her emotions building up in her chest. She wanted to speak to Neel. She knew he deserved an explanation, but she was not looking forward to the conversation. He had been good to her, cocky but good. It was time to be honest with him, even if it was going to hurt. But not today. Not now. She went to Abhija's room and knocked at her door. She desperately needed to speak to someone on this as her head was a jumble of emotions.

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Manjari was on her second cup of tea. She had her phone in her hand and she kept wanting it to ring. She went back to the conversation she had last night and things were clearer now. Abhija's words still rang in her eyes. She had called her bluff of "it is better this way" and pointed out how it seemed she wanted the thing between her and Neel to not work. It was Abhija who asked her how she would have felt if Neel would have ignored her for a week. " It is all about balance Manjari," was Abhija's advice. She had been blunt when she told Manjari that Amaira was a part of her life, not her LIFE. Her love for Amaira couldn'tand should not overshadow the other aspects of her life. Abhija's words still rang in her ears, "Happily Ever After doesn't exist. Every day you wake up and decide to love your partner and your life—the good, the bad and the ugly. Some days it is a struggle and some days you feel like the luckiest person in the world. There is no way that you two are going to be gaga over each other for the rest of your life. That is unrealistic. You guy will fight, have arguments and that is healthy. A couple that fights often stays stronger", she had said with a smile. She had looked at Manjari and said, "This Neel sound wonderful. Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance. You are a wonderful person and you deserve all this love and affection. Let yourself be loved. Stop hiding. Your ex was crap but that does not mean everyone is going to treat you like him. In a day, or a week, or maybe even longer, you'll look at that person and a giant wave of love will inundate you, and you'll love them so much you think your heart can't possibly hold it all and is going to burst. Because a love that is alive is also constantly evolving. It expands and contracts and mellows and deepens. It is not going to be the way it used to be or the way it will be, and it should not be."

Manjari had spent the entire night thinking about what Abhija had said. She had recognized the truth in her words. She feared getting hurt but who said that the path to companionship, trust and affection did not involve falling, breaking a few legs and ribs. Abhija had been a saviour. She had volunteered to take Amaira with her today giving her time and space to work this out. She checked her phone as it pinged. She had one new message. From Neel. It was a love poem again. And this time by E.E. Cummings.