Solitude (COMPLETED)

I feel used

“everyone’s here?”
“yes sir.”
“alright. Let’s go.”

I looked at him at him and he was talking to some students sitting ahead and smiling at them. He did not look in my direction.
Is it perhaps, he is making a room for Ms. Jenna now.

I cried at the thought looking outside of the window, with earphones tucked in and a series of overthinking and controlling my self from breaking down.. this is not how I thought my trip with him would go like.

I feel used.

A part of me really wanted the answer to the question that Kelly raised earlier.

Did he perhaps liked her?

no no.. otherwise he would have made it obvious.. he won’t do that…

You’re forgetting your parents again? I hate my mind sometimes.

I really want to trust him but, I just cannot.. I closed my eyes, keeping my head on the window glass, and pretended to fall asleep, so that I won’t be disturbed by Lara and Kelvin, and luckily they did not.

With music in my ears and lyrics going as: you don’t realize the power they have, until they leave you and you want them back, nothing in this world prepares you for that.

That was it. That was enough to make me cry. That was enough to let the tears flow that I was holding from so long.

I stared out of the window, keeping my cries as soft as possible, trying to control myself from shaking. I put a hand over my mouth so as to keep my voice low.

I don’t know how long I was like that until I actually went to sleep.

✨✨✨

A sudden jolt woke me up as the bus comes to a halt.
“did we reach?”
“no, I guess not.” I heard the girls behind me, discussing.

I looked around to see we were far from the city. The place was quiet. A wide road with hardly any vehicles. There was a food court on the other side, that could be seen from Lara’s window.

Prof. Grey stood up from his seat and turned towards us.

“alright! We have another couple of hours drive from here and that will be on a hilly area, so we take a 20 mins break here. Let the driver take a break and you guys too, freshen up yourself, and eat something.” He said, with ‘eat something’ seeing in my direction.

He furrowed his eyes as looked at me, but soon took it away.

“the bus wouldn’t stop anywhere after this, till we reach our destination, so get everything, that you have to, done.”
He said and looked again in my direction. He slightly raised his eyebrows, giving a ‘what’s wrong’ expression.

But before I could nod or do any gesture he turned his attention towards the door, where Ms. Jenna was standing.

“come on Eric, you’ll occupy the entire 20 mins of the break with your instructions.”  She said and smiled.

“you look amazing today ma’am.” Nathan from my batch, who was sitting ahead of my row told Ms. Jenna.

The guys started hooting and laughing. It was rare, when Nathan would actually give his attention to something else rather than his phone and his games.

I looked at her a little more carefully this time, observing the details. 

She had brown hair with strands of it coming from either side her forehead making her face appear small. I could see a deep green tint in her brown eyes, that were currently sparkling as they were looking at my prof. She had this perfectly angled nose that was a little rounded at the tip. Her lips had a light shade of pink with the glossy lipstick that she had put on.  Her lips were currently drawn into a pretty smile making a dimple appear on left side of her cheeks.  I wouldn’t lie, she was definitely pretty, very pretty. There was no way a man could not like her if he were to concern with her appearance.

And this was the first time, in long, long time that I had felt inferior with my appearance. That I felt the need to put make up on to look beautiful.  This was not me.

Eric smiled at her, and left the bus, not even taking a second glance at me. I looked myself at the screen of my phone, with my front camera on.
I looked terrible.

My hair had come out from places and my eyes were swollen, with the marks of my tears yet on my skin that had gone dry due to the wind here in the high altitude.
I adjusted my hair because there was nothing I could do with my overused lacrimal glands that caused puffiness beneath my eyes.

I looked on my left to see Lara get up as soon as Eric left the bus.
“uhh.. I need to pee. It’s urgent.” She said practically pushing Kelvin out of the way.
“see you outside Ana.” She rushed to get out of the bus. And Kelvin went behind, “hey wait, I feel it’s not safe for you to go alone, I’ll stand out, guarding.” Kelvin rushed.

“Ana let’s go.”

I nodded.

I practically got out of the bus when almost everyone went outside. I rushed to the washroom to wash and fix my face.

But no matter what I did, that swelling wouldn’t go, and that would just remind me of everything again, making me cry again.

“no, no Ana, you cannot, that’s it.” I told myself.

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Ily ❤