Pain of the Past (a Preminger fanfiction)

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Erik's face was plastered with shock, not so different from the look the others were sporting beside him. His eyes dropped to Vanessa's stomach, then to her face again.

"Are you certain?" He asked her hesitantly.

"I had a suspicion," she admitted. "For quite some time, but it was the Wise Woman who confirmed it when we stayed with her."

At this, she moved forward, taking Erik's hands into her own and holding them firmly. She looked into his face with pleading honesty, tears in her eyes though her jaw was set firm.

"If you go out there, you will die." She said in a harsh whisper.  "The last thing that I want is our daughter growing up and never knowing her father."

Erik furrowed his brow, searching his wife's face.

"Daughter?"

Vanessa nodded. It had been Lady Gossamer's parting promise when they'd left her home that day; that Vanessa would birth a healthy young girl when the winter had passed. Erik's eyes grew misty, his expression growing tender with emotion before he reached up to cup Vanessa's face. A gentle gleam of joy flashed behind his eyes before their situation settled back in and hardened his face. He turned to face the others soberly.

"Addams," He began in a thick voice. "He has done a great deal for not only our people, but me personally. I could never forgive myself knowing I abandoned him in his greatest hour of need. But,"
He looked back to Vanessa. "My life is not my own to throw away. My family needs me, what choice do I have but to stay?"

William stepped forward, reaching his hand up to rest upon Erik's shoulder.

"My friend," He said. "I don't think Addams would forgive you if you risked abandoning your wife and unborn child to save him. Stay, then. And if all goes well, we will see you again shortly."

Erik smiled at him, though his eyes held a deep regret. As they clasped hands, an unspoken air of finality hung about them. Vanessa stepped forward to embrace William, hugging him tightly at the neck with all the sorrow of a last goodbye. Preminger felt his stomach tighten.

He turned to face the twins who stood in the doorway. They had grown considerably since they'd first met that day in the mines. Their hair had grown longer, their shoulders broader, even their voices were beginning to deepen. It settled on him suddenly that they were no longer children in need of his keeping. He cleared his throat quietly.

"You two are staying here."

"Not a chance," Nack responded without hesitation, clearly having anticipated this conversation.

Preminger let out a sigh, stealing a quick glance at the silent farewell that was happening behind him. His heart ached, but he steadied himself as he placed a hand on each of the boy's shoulders.

"The odds are against us," He said heavily. "Vanessa is right, this last effort will likely be our end. I wont let that be your fate also. You two have been the only family I've had ever since...ever since I lost my father. I can't thank you enough for that."

"Why go?" Nack wondered as Nick stared on through watery blue eyes. "Why go at all if you know you will die!"

Preminger gave him a sad smile, wishing the circumstances could be different, but in his heart he felt clear.

"Every once in a great while, there comes an opportunity where your life is greater than your own. When you find it, you must take it. It's what makes all the hardships of life worthwhile because only then do you know that it wasn't all for nothing. Then even death becomes something beautiful, not an ending, but just a part of the story, when you've found something truly worth dying for."

"And have you?" Nick wondered quietly.

Preminger smiled. Not a wide grin that flashed teeth, or with an expression that seeped joy. Preminger smiled with his eyes, allowing them to frost over with a look of contentment. His thoughts were of a time that felt like ages ago, working at the bar, wiping away ale with a tattered old rag and watching the usual crowds filter through.

He could still feel the sting of bare knuckles against his cheek, the flash of warm brown eyes, the way William had lingered in the bar long after the fight had ended. He remembered the way he felt when he'd finally decided to leave behind the life he'd been so unhappily resolved to, and the sway of William's step as he'd lead him out that tavern door. And at this, Preminger smiled.

"Yes," He said surely. "I have."

...

Madam Carp's was dark and quiet. There were no torches to illuminate the shop, only the dull grey light that filtered in from the blizzard outside. The dresses hung like ghosts in the windows as they passed them by.

"Preminger," William said, hesitating at the doorway. His face appeared conflicted, worn, but Preminger understood. He found no sense in wasting breath on apologies.

"I know," he said quietly. William gave him a short nod, though it did not appear to settle his mind.

"Thank you," was all he said. And then together, they pried open the door and stepped out into the snowy abyss before them.