Learn to fight Learn to rule

FROM THE BEGINING

When India was only thirty one years old my mother was born in a conservative family of eastern India. She was dark skinned and had a loud cry, I know it sounds very normal but when you put yourselves in the shoes of the toxic patriarchal society of that time you will understand that it is the worst combination society wanted to see in a girl.

My ma considered herself lucky, she firmly believes  that behind every woman who is tasting success there is her family who believed in her and did not treat her like an object which contributes into making a man's life more comfortable. My ma knows how to manage situations in life, sometimes she stands up for herself and others while sometimes she just sits down and enjoys the show. 

Ma never forgets to thank her parents and why shouldn't she it is difficult to find many parents who give equal importance to the education of both their son and daughter and also divide the household chores equally between them, let alone more than forty years ago.

She was an average student but her biggest credit was that she never ceased to work hard and I want everyone to be very honest if the only to options you have are to be financially independent and have a say in your life or marry someone without being financially stable and become a slave to the words of your husband and in-laws, Here I am not saying that those who choose to be homemakers are wrong in anyway or that they are doing anything wrong but it is the truth that they will fully depend on others for their whole life.

Sources, specifically my maternal grandmother has informed me about my mother. I have come to know that she was extremely calm in all situations. Her school life wasn't that eventful, the first wave came after her twelve grade examination. In India there are board exams in tenth and twelfth, these marks were considered very important for college admissions and and a few jobs. My ma passed with first division in both exams which was a pretty difficult mark to set in that time. Only after that came her first shock almost her whole family became concerned about her marriage even though her own father was not too enthusiastic about this feat but in those days everyone had a say in your life. My mother probably wouldn't have any choice if both her parents weren't adamant about her education and career. She dodged a bullet here and completed her college and started preparing for government jobs. she got a central government job when she was twenty five and by the age of twenty seven she got married in a an arrange marriage set up.

Then came her challenge namely "managing a family". Those who think two people can live together by just understanding each other, are probably unaware of the conflicts and politics one joint family can have. Ma once said to me many times you will be told things which you will want o react to but before saying anything you should always think twice can this particular statement be used against this person in the future, if the answer is yes don't say anything just wait for the correct time. If you want the chariot the go in your direction your need the reigns to be in your hand, if you just use strength the chariot will topple but if you use technique and tact you can take over with grace and peace. 

Indian men have many stereotypes where they are deemed to be bound in the patriarchy and ego, when I confronted ma about this she said and I quote "It is true that many men are extremely patriarchs but it has nothing to do with their race, it solely depend on how they are brought up. If I and the whole society teaches you that apple is spelled O R A N G E, then you will probable believe believe it even though it is wrong. You will probably meet many men who think men and woman don't deserve equality, it is not always because they are bad people but because they were taught the wrong theory. When you meet them you can either ignore and run from them or stay and change their mentality". I can proudly tell you that she is a woman of her word because I have noticed definable change in my father from the lifespan of four to fourteen.

There were times when I wondered how ma is the person she is, I got my answer when my grandmother was hit the line which will sound familiar to you if you have been to Indian social gatherings, "You are lucky that you were blessed with such good children". Now you have to trust me when I say that I would have shouted "OP" on top of my lungs if my sanskaar didn't come in my way. My grandma replied, "one cannot give birth to good children, you have to raise them". There was my answer that from where ma got her subtle savageness from. I once asked her that don't you think that being a woman in this world is difficult she replied, "How will my thoughts help to change this situation, you and I both know what is difficult and what is not and it is high time that we stop thinking and start doing things". 

When I write this last two paragraph I want to convey some of my thoughts. Just because a woman or a man doesn't matter who is a boss, doesn't mean they don't fell insecure or nervous at times. I can say this because there were times when the person who is a queen in my eyes looked at the mirror and asked, "Am I looking fat". If they are confident and strong in most of the situations it doesn't mean they won't break at some point, they are human too. The woman who make your life a better experience deserve every bit of care and respect that you can give because looking after you the way they do is their choice, they could have chosen differently but they didn't. 

Lastly to those people who are going through a tough time during puberty or preteen days, I would like to say that life is like a rose bush the thorns are obligatory but the flower which everyone earns to see is not. if you want to experience the flower you have to nurture the plant and work on it. If there are times you feel conscious about you your self esteem remember you came to life by winning a race, if you are feeling insecure about your look look into the mirror and look yourself in the eye remember that no one has the ability to push you down except yourself. Everybody has to groom themselves into a confident person some people do it very less time some take more tie while some pretend. Remember no matter what happens and how long it takes never pretend. Every woman has her own story some, a few of them have worse experience than others while some have a better one, but all stories are important to the ones yielding it. Most importantly when you are going through a good time never forget to help another human in need. I don't if someone will even read this rant till here and if you do then "thank you'.

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I know what i wrote went a bit off topic but I am not sure if someone will even read it or not, believe me my life is full of fierce women whose stories I would love to tell if you have read this let me know in the comment section and criticism is appreciated. I am an idiot and if I have written something that you don't agree with feel free to correct me. IF you like my writing please share this story and comment if I should post more about these people in my life.

The last thing "kuchh to log kahenge logo ka kaam hai kehna ;chhodo bekar ki baato me kahi beet na jaye rahna" translation, "People will say somethig it is their business to talk; ignore it lest time should pass in these useless things". These are lines from a bollywood hindi song which was sung by Kishore Kumar and composed by R.D. Burman you can search it on google or any song related app if you want.

For now, ta ta, bye bye , Namaskar.