my strange addiction

Part 33

Clarke walked into the apartment that was apparently Lexa's. She noticed the boxes everywhere.

'You don't own much,' Clarke said.

'All I had was you.'

'Yeah well you left me,' Clarke says. She didn't mean to raise her voice like that. Lexa felt a slight pain in her chest. She knew she left Clarke but she explained. She thought Clarke had forgiven her.

'I'm sorry,' Lexa whispered.

'I know,' Clarke whispered. A tear left her eye.

'I love you,' Lexa whispered.

'What are we Lexa?' Clarke asked.

'I love you so much and that's why this is so hard to say.' Clarke looked at her with tears in her eyes.

'No Lexa,' Clarke whispered.

'I'm leaving Clarke,' Lexa said. She stood up straight to look confident but with each passing second she broke more.

'I don't want you to go.'

'I don't wanna go.'

'I'll be at the restaurant where we had our first date tonight at 9 pm. You can either come with me or you'll never see me again,' Lexa says. 'And I don't expect you to be there. I just want to give you a chance. I understand you have the kid to take care of. I understand you have a life here, but I don't. I can't be here. I can't be in the city where my father ruined my life. I love you Clarke I really do but I can't stay here.'

'Just shut up.' Clarke grabs the back of Lexa's neck and pulls her in close. Their noses bump. Finally Clarke closes the gap between them. Their lips meeting for one last time. This is the last time Clarke will ever see the love of her life because she can't leave. She can't go with her. Even though she wants to. She wants nothing more than to come with her. To travel the world with her. To be free with her but she had Madi here. She had her job here. It was a childish and impossible dream. The tears they both cried made the kiss wetter. Clarke pulled away. She broke down completely. Lexa caught her. Helping her to stand.

Clarke walked through the empty streets of New York. She wanted to see Lexa one more time. She saw Lexa this afternoon but she had to tell her she wasn't coming. She had to say goodbye to the love of her life. Lexa smiled as she saw the blonde.

'You're not coming with me,' Lexa whispered.

'No,' Clarke whispered.

Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wanted to smell every scent of the blonde before leaving her forever. She wanted to stay so bad.

'I just want you to know,' Clarke paused to keep her voice from breaking. Lexa laid a hand on her cheek and shushed her. 'I forgive you,' Clarke says. Their heads touch. 'I forgive you Lexa.' Two years ago she wouldn't believe she would say these words to the brunette. She never thought she would say them and mean it. 'I love you Lexa,' Clarke whispers. She took a step back.

'I love you too,' Lexa whispers. She's holding on to the blonde's hand as she slowly walks away. Holding onto the last part of Clarke that she has. Finally Clarke let go of Lexa's hand and turned around. Lexa watched the blonde leave. She watched her for the last time. She wasn't hers to keep anymore. She wasn't hers to love anymore. She wasn't hers at all and now all she had to do was learn to accept that. Will she ever do that?