Loving You From 3,405 Kilometres Away

Diary Insert One

I'll be putting an asterisk  '*' when I say things that may need context and they will have a respective context section at the bottom that explains them. 

Now on to the letter!

20th of February 2021*

Hi Babe!

Babe, I feel like you drinking panadol is a form of self-harm** pls don't do that unless you absolutely need a panadol.

Gosh babe, so fragile, your heart is so fragile. I'm really not complaining. I hope I  don't do anything to accidentally break it.

I like you so much, babe. -insert three drawings of hearts-

Whatever happens to us, to our relationship (hopefully not anything bad) I just wish you well. 

Yknow babe, I think  I'd rather have you break my heart, compared to me breaking yours.

You've been through enough babe, I wanna take care of your heart. I'll try my best to not hurt you, although I feel as if I  will accidentally. I  hope you know that I will never do anything to purposely you— or may hurt you. 

I'll take the heartbreak like I said I'd rather have mine broken instead of breaking yours. 

I wouldn't be able to bear the fact that I've hurt you or cause you heartbreak. I  will literally hate myself if I hurt you on purpose. You're such a beautiful soul babe. Also, yknow they say, you glow up after a heartbreak (and I wouldn't mind that).

Also, one heartbreak from my end wouldn't be so bad, I can take it.

But I feel like you can't take another heartbreak. 

So, ill just take one for the team if ever. If we ever break up, I'd rather be the one who gets broken up with cause you loss feelings. I want you to have lesser of the pain. I can't stand seeing you hurt babe, especially if it's from me. 

I might love you***, from the way I'm talking. Gosh,  I just wanna keep seeing you smile, I hate seeing you sad.****

Context:

 *We have a time difference of three hours, he's in the future! and we started dating on the 21st of January 2021— wrote this on the 20th but it was already the 21st in his time zone, we were on video call during this time but he was asleep and I had time to write this!

**He used to drink four Panadols, when he had trouble falling asleep, he drank two today as his head was kinda numb :'(

***We've only been saying "I like you's" but he said "I love you"  two days before this— I didn't say it back, I told him I would say it until  I mean it fully. ( A question for you guys, do you think I loved him then when I was writing this letter?)

****Reminds me of the sentence I wrote in the Valentines letter I wrote top him, It said something along the lines of "I love seeing you smile, but it's okay to not smile sometimes"