Tainted hands

Chapter 43

My body was in agony, but my heart hurt 10x more. It felt as if someone had put a million daggers in my heart.

The questions 'why' ran through my head. Why can't anything good in my life stay? Why does everything in my life only revolve around pain? Why can't I just be happy? One thing I know is that I am done. I am done living this life. I am done being hurt... I am done being haunted...

I am ready to die.

Ready to leave...

The thought of dying did scare me, but it also comforted me. Doing this would free my family, free Jace, free Blaze and it would free me.

I was not meant to live; I was meant to die. This world has no real place for me... I was born from the beginning to be a sacrificed lamb. A lamb sacrificed for all my family's mistakes. To give justice for Blaze's mother and stepfather. To bring some right to the Moretti and Garcia name.

"Papa!"

"Yes, my mariposa." Papa chuckled putting me on his knee.

"Juan said he is going to cut all my hair off! Please don't let him do that Papa. Cause mamma likes doing my hair. And if they cut it, then she would be sad." He kissed my cheek and rubbed my back. As tears started to brim my hazel eyes.

"I will always protect you mariposa."

"I love you papa, ALL the way to the moon and back." He chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"I love you more mariposa." My eyes narrowed as I folded my arms.

"Impossible." He taunted. "Because I love you too infinity." I rolled my eyes and sulked in his arms.

"It is so impossible!" He smirked and kissed my temple.

"How?" He asked tilting his head.

"Because I know how much my heart loves you. And that is how I know I love you more."

My hands gripped the metal ladder as I climbed every step. It was a 20 floored building, but I was determined to reach the top.

"Fuck of you uptight spoilt bitch, you don't know anything about suffering." Juan growled making all my cousins laugh.

He was right.

"Yes it does, now tell me?" He gritted looking at me with his pleading eyes. I ripped his arm off me and shot him a hard glare. He looked shocked not believing the stranger in front of him.

"The things in my life shouldn't concern you as they are just 'petty teenager girl problems'. You have never made an effort before to be upset over my life so I don't know why you are suddenly acting like you care." My words were spat with venom. '

"Fine then." He pushed me away from him. "If you don't want to tell me your worthless problems then don't. But stop putting and breaking this family a part because we have all had enough of your spoilt attitude." His words hurt me, but I let none of his cold words affect my expression.

I am a burden.

"You're my life now Angel."

And you were mine.

"I can't do this anymore Blaze. I can't do this to my family." I spoke weakly. "But I can't hide my feelings for you... I-I love you." The look on his face was enough to break my heart. He looked completely taken back but that didn't stop me.

"My family could die tomorrow because of this. But I can help it... I love you. And if they died tomorrow it would be all my fault. But Blaze. I-I love you... But I also hate you. I hate nearly everything I love about you but I-."

"I love you too."

I was finally on the top level and as soon as my legs found its groundings. My legs moved on its own account to the edge.

"When do you think he will let me go?" The silence answered her question. Even if he let her go home... she will never be free. she would always be a victim of him. Tears were emerging but she promised herself not to cry. She needed to be strong...

She needed to survive.

But eventually it got too hard. Taking the small bottle of whiskey out of my pocket I took one big swig from it.

For courage.

Maybe if she said no the man would be set free. Despite the painful punishment she at least would be saving a life. "maybe I should tell you that right now your brothers are at their cousin's house playing happily on the couch enjoying life. Wouldn't want something to happen them or your cousin, would you?"

she widened her eyes and shook her head regaining her grip on the gun. "n-no." clearing her throat. "I will do it." breathing in silently she pointed the gun to the man. Closing her eyes for a split second as the man begged one last time.

BANG.

I am unlovable, a monster. No one will ever love me.

I took one foot of the side of the building. Sucking in one last hopeful breath. Knowing that after tonight, I and everyone will be free.

Goodbye

Nothing nor no one can stop me now, I was just about to take in my final last though before I fell into peace. But then a voice stopped me.

"Wait, STOP! You don't have to do this!"