Trust

Expectations

San only winces. He hasn't talked to his friends about Yeosang's weird behavior nowadays – which he's starting to regret now. A second, or third, or fourth opinion is exactly what he would need at the moment.

"I'm not sure. I'll tell you later." San forces a sprightly smile on his face when Yeosang stops in front of their table.

"Hey San. Hey..." His gaze wanders over the curious faces of San's friends, and San is sure to see a glimpse of anxiety flicker up in Yeosang's eyes.

Well, great, San feels exactly the same: uncomfortable.

"Can I talk to you, San? In private?" Yeosang scratches his neck, like he does it so often when he's nervous. San still remembers the one time where Yeosang had to take an oral exam – his neck was all scratched up and red afterwards.

"Sure." San stands up, his heart is hammering in his chest. Not in a good way.

He follows Yeosang outside, to a bench that's facing the cafeteria's glass front. Yeosang doesn't sit down though, and neither does San.

"I, uh", Yeosang starts, fumbling with the hem of his t-shirt now, „I... I broke up with Hyejin yesterday."

San stays silent at that. He already knew. He had heard the two of them arguing – even if he wasn't so curious, eavesdropping on other people's conversations whenever he's got the chance to – their loud voices would've been hard to miss.

Which also might've been the reason why he sped out of their flat this morning.

Yeosang doesn't say anything either, so San focuses on his green Converse and finally replies with a hesitant "Okay..." His shoes really need a proper wash the washing machine. The white on his shoe caps has already faded into a dirty gray. Or he should just buy new ones... Or maybe he could get some for Christmas? Hopefully they'll be light green though.

Yeosang clears his throat. "So. I was wondering... if you wanted to... get an ice cream or watch a movie some time? Like, hang out, um... go out?"

San swallows dryly. I knew it. "Like a date, you mean."

"Uhm... yeah." Yeosang looks so relieved and hopeful right now that San feels like the worst human ever for not feeling the same for him. It would've been so easy. And so much less embarrassing for both of them.

"I can't." San has spoken up before he even thought about how to argue. "I've got, um... stuff to do. For uni. Homework." Which isn't exactly a lie, since he's spent more than half of his weekend hanging out with Mingi, Yunho and Jongho instead of doing something productive.

"Okay..." Now Yeosang's expression becomes hesitant.

"Actually", San swallows once more, "I... I... like you as a friend, Yeosang. Not romantically." Finally it's out in the open – but he feels worse than ever. San keeps his gaze to the ground. "I'm sorry."

There is a short silence, in which Yeosang inhales deeply, as if to regain his composure. "Don't be", he finally says. „I'm, just- See you later."

His gaze fixed on the little pebbles on the sidewalk, San waits until he can hear the door of the cafeteria going open and slamming shut again. Then he makes his way back inside.

So – that's it. Hongjoong, Seonghwa and I have been watching them from our table at the window front.

I don't really know how I should feel about this. A little bit happy, to be honest – which is immediately followed by guilt. I shouldn't feel happy about Yeosang being turned down by San. I can't be happy about it. Yeosang is my friend.

Which means that even though San rejected him, I shouldn't even try hooking up with San. Friends don't do that.

When Yeosang approaches our table, I'm still debating on what to say to him. Or if I should say anything at all. Should I behave as though I've never witnessed him being turned down by San in the first place? Or should I comfort him? As Yeosang sits down and buries his head in his hands, Seonghwa does the former, Hongjoong the latter. I awkwardly alternate between wanting to do both, and finally put a hand on Yeosang's shoulder to be comforting. Yeosang flinches, and I immediately remove my hand.

Finally lifting his head again, Yeosang avoids our eyes. "That... wasn't what I expected", he mumbles.

"At least you... you know, tried?" I cringe from my lame words. I'm not good with this comforting stuff.

"Yes, at least you know it now. Yeosang – that was actually pretty brave of you."

Yeosang locks eyes with Hongjoong for a second. Then he lowers his gaze again. "Look where bravery brought me", he mumbles bitterly. We all turn quiet at that.

"Actually", Yeosang gulps, "I'm gonna- yeah, skip my classes for today and go... home. I don't really... yeah."

"I can tell you what we did in Modern Dance 2 and Choreographies", I offer. It's basically the only way I can think of to help Yeosang. To support him. Or whatever the hell.

"Yeah. Thanks." Yeosang grabs his tray. He hasn't eaten half of his noodle soup.

"We can take care of that." Seonghwa gently takes the tray from Yeosang and puts it back down on the table. "Just go and get some rest."

"Call us this evening if you want to", Hongjoong adds.

My turn to say something encouraging. "Um... have a nice afternoon." As soon as the words have left my mouth, I need to fight the urge to facepalm. For fuck's sake – really?! His afternoon is gonna be shit. "I'm gonna come over in the evening if that's okay. For updating you on what we did in classes."

"Sure. Thanks. Bye." With that, Yeosang leaves the cafeteria, walking as fast as humanely possible.