Fly High, Burn Bright

Chapter 45

Annoyed and infuriated that even as I was spilling my guts out to him, he still didn't bother to look at me, I whirled around, prepared to punch whoever dared disturb us right in the face. Instead of yet another villain, as I'd expected, I came face to face with three large cameras hoisted up by bulky cameramen, along with another four reporters and a few extras on the crew. My blood ran cold as I realized that they must've followed me every step of the way, and I'd just been too wrapped up in my need for revenge to notice. 

The news I'd watched were broadcasted live. If these were, too, then the damage was already done. The best I could hope for was that I'd sprinted through the alleys too fast for the cameras to follow me properly and see the whole fight, but as they stood here, they were barely out of breath.   They must've filmed every last bit of the encounter, and now the whole country knew they were right - I was a monster. A wretched, angry, horrifying monster. The restraint that had been holding me back before snapped completely - I refused to be a pawn to the media for even a second longer. I wouldn't let the opinions of others control me anymore. I knew I was a monster. I'd known for a while now, so it didn't matter if they hated that about me or not. It was my opinion that mattered in the end, not theirs. They never mattered. 

With a sneer, I turned back to Keigo, angry that he'd interrupted me over something as trivial as a group of measly cameras. It's not like he ever cared about how he  was portrayed to the public anyway, and I was already drawn too far back for there to be any hope left. If he thought something as simple as the media could hold me back from telling him exactly what I wanted now, then he'd never been more wrong. I was too riled up, too pumped up with adrenaline and too angry at him for caring so much about the safety of a fucking villain of all people, and too enraged that I had to go through so much to track him down just for Keigo to brush it off. 

"I'm not done yet, sweetie," I whispered, leaning closer to Keigo, but instead of the usual joy I felt when I was close to him, all I felt was rage. He was my top priority. He always was. And yet, the villain that left us both mentally scarred mattered more to him than I did. Keigo curled into himself slightly, and part of me screamed at myself for hurting him, but I forced myself to stay stoic. I was done with blindly following him into everything. "You think I haven't noticed how you sneak off every other night to so-called work? You must think I'm really an idiot, huh?"

"Kira, wait. I can expl-" Keigo started as his eyes widened, and he reached a hand out as if to hold me, but I slapped it away. 

"Don't even bother," I snapped. "You'd tell me if you cared, or maybe you're just hiding something."  I let out a broken laugh as I pulled away from Keigo, waving my hand to the cameras behind us, perfectly aware of the fact that they were holding on to my every word. "Actually, why don't you tell me now? Tell me, right now, in front of everyone, what you're doing on those nights. I want to know where you go, and what made you suddenly turn from someone I trusted with my life into someone who doesn't even bother to check up on me once in a while."

"Kira, there's nothing to tell you, I promise!" His tone was raised now, as if he, too, gave up on trying to keep the press out of it. "Please, if you just calmed down and heard me out then ma-"

"Calmed down?" I roared back. "You haven't spoken to me properly in weeks, and you tell me to calm down?  Hell, Keigo, I felt like I was dying this morning, but I didn't want you to be worried about me! And what did I get in response? Not even a text to check up on me!"

He flinched - he couldn't deny this, not when I had concrete proof. By now, the cloth I'd wrapped around his room was completely drenched. "I was busy! I meant to call you, but I must've forgotten to, or j-"

My face fell, the anger I felt extinguishing immediately. "You forgot. That's comforting." I swallowed, getting to my feet and staring down at Keigo for a few seconds, the usual adoration in my eyes replaced with a cold feeling I'd never experienced before. I turned to leave, glaring daggers at the cameraman that dared stand in my way.

"Wait, Kira! Where are you going?" Keigo managed to half-shout from behind me, a splattering cough punctuating his words, but I didn't even bother to turn around to see how he felt - he hadn't done that for me, so why should I do it for him?

"Away. I'll be back in a few days." I stalked through the alley, staring expectantly at the few idiots that still blocked the exit. "Out of my way," I growled, and the small crowd immediately scattered, except for one persistent reporter.

"Vizion! Would you be able to elaborate on what you mean by Hawks' nightly meetings, and why they matter to you if you're just his coworker?" They asked, shoving the microphone towards me. With one hand, I twisted the reporter's hand, forcing them to drop the device onto the ground, and with the other, I flipped them off before storming out of the alley. Right now, nothing mattered to me. As soon as the cameras were out of sight, I broke into a sprint, running in no particular direction - I just needed to get as far away as possible to sort out the mess that never seemed to leave my head, and to at least try to come up with a way to fill the rift between me and Keigo that I'd caused.

I lashed out at him in a moment of weakness - I wouldn't deny that he hurt me, but I still loved him with my whole heart. Even as I ran, I couldn't believe how horrible I'd been to him. It was as if someone took over my mind and forced me to finally speak those deep dark truths that I didn't want anyone to see. It was a horrible feeling, one that I'd only had once but I hated more than anything. I'd just tortured someone and genuinely enjoyed it, and yet, all I could think about was the fact that I'd probably hurt Keigo with my words. I hadn't meant to do that. I hadn't meant to lash out my pain onto Keigo. He didn't need the extra burden of my stress to be placed on his shoulders, too.

At least he'll be able to relax and focus on himself for a few days now, I reassured myself. He'll be fine. I took care of the worst injuries, and the press wouldn't just let him bleed out and die. They'll take him to a hospital, and he'll be all healed up, without even a scar left. He's in good hands. Still, I kept running through the streets, the dim lights just a blur that barely registered out of the corner of my eye, and I silently thanked the fact that I had been on patrols almost every day for three years straight. My mind had no idea where I was going, but my body knew these streets well - I wouldn't get lost any time soon, even if I tried to.

What time was it now? Surely past midnight. How long had I been running? My legs started to ache, but I still needed to feel farther away. I needed to get as far away from the warehouse as possible. I just needed the distance between me and Keigo - I couldn't face him now, not after I snapped at him like that. I needed some time to calm down, so that I wouldn't hurt Keigo even more than I already did. I just need a small break from him. I need to focus on myself for a few days, and figure out what's what. I'll come back soon. It won't be long.

My feet started to twinge with pain, and a faulty step made me land  awkwardly on my ankle, forcing me to finally come to a stop. Too late, I realized that I didn't exactly have anywhere to go from here - my family moved away long ago, and I wasn't close enough with anyone else to ask for a place to rest for the night, not to mention the fact that I was covered in blood and had a total of maybe five thousand yen with me - no one in their right mind would let me stay the night. Even so, my body ached for rest, which wasn't that surprising, considering the fact that with the initial rush of adrenaline gone, the fatigue of my fever started to catch up to me. I limped through the streets until I found a more or less closed off park, with several benches forming a circle around a central fountain, and, using my flannel as a blanket to keep me warm through the late August night, I tried to settle for a few hours of much-needed sleep.