Fly High, Burn Bright

Chapter 22

Fight,  I told myself. Fight. He can't win. He doesn't deserve to win. Black spots clouded my eyes, dancing and making it that much harder for me to stay upright, but I tried to ignore them as I twisted my arm out of his grasp. The already-burned flesh was a crimson red, with large blisters forming from the heat near the edges of the wound, but the spot where Dabi had grabbed me had the most damage. The outer layer of skin was seared off, with the flesh under being a dark red. The burn itself had definitely gotten through the two protective outermost layers, and there was the outline of Dabi's hand burned into my arm, the heat nearly cutting through to reach the muscle. 

Tears welled up in my eyes - sure, he wasn't burning me any more, but the damage had already been done. The last time I'd had an injury this bad was when I'd just become a hero, and even then, it hadn't been this painful. I switched the knife from my left hand to my right, forcing the thought of pain away from me. I knew that if I only focused on the burn, then it would be even more unbearable - I needed to distract myself from the wound until I had time to actually treat it. If before, this was a battle based solely on my moral standing, now I had a concrete reason to fight. Dabi hurt me, so it was only fair that I hurt him back. 

The screaming pain turned into a raging battle cry of anger as I dodged around Dabi's next attack, slicing at him whenever I had the chance. My steps seemed to be a little faster than usual, my strikes more precise despite the fact that my left arm had been temporarily rendered useless. If I was desperate enough, I could probably try dual wielding - the burn was merely a flesh wound, and unlike a broken bone or even a deep cut, I'd be able to use my left arm just like on any other occasion, with the only difference being extreme pain, whereas with the other two, my arm would've been too weak to do any actual damage. I, however, pushed the thought away as I made another attempt to reach Dabi's neck with my knife. No need to put myself through all that unnecessary pain if I was doing well enough with one hand. 

I saw his usually-calm eyes widen slightly before getting even more narrow, and I smirked to myself - here I was, heavily injured, with a knife and a quirk that was useless in this situation, and I was still beating the living hell out of a villain that was strong enough to create a literal tornado of fire. Maybe it was the sudden determination to actually win now that the fight was more personal, but something made me feel stronger, faster. Any hesitation that I had before burned away with the charred flesh of my arm, replaced instead by a deadly will to end Dabi. I knew it already, but now my goal was even more clear than ever before - make him pay. At this point, capturing Dabi has long since left my mind. I couldn't care less about that now. It was like I was possessed. There was nothing on my mind but the desire to get revenge, the need to get even with him. 

I feinted to the right, overexaggerating the move to ensure that Dabi would dodge to the left, but I'd already been expecting it. Too fast for him to register, I slammed the hilt of my dagger into his temple, making him crumble onto the ground. Around us, the whirlwind of flames sputtered out, but the buildings that were already burning on their own stayed alit. The rush of adrenaline started to fade away when I stared down at the limp body of the villain beneath me, and the pain in my arm that I'd tried to force out of my mind earlier came crashing down on me. In my blur to get my revenge on Dabi, I hadn't even noticed how much my arm was screaming at me to take care of the injury, but now that I had a moment of rest, it was as if he'd burned his hand into my flesh all over again.

I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill out, but the attempt was pointless - a fat, clear teardrop had already snuck out, and I hurriedly wiped it away. Tears were both a weakness and a luxury that I couldn't afford right now. Instead, I tried to focus on the current status of the area. Immediately around us, stores and apartment buildings were charred black from the flames, but most of the fires were already out - there wasn't much fuel for a fire, and it must've already burnt away. Farther back, however, the disaster was still rampaging, and I heard shouts, but I wasn't sure whether they were from civilians or from Kagami, who was probably still fighting that other villain that had taken her out of the sky earlier. 

I did the right thing, I assured myself. I took out the biggest danger because he was harming others, not because of my personal grudge. I did what I needed to not because I'm selfish, but because I'm a hero and it's my job to protect others. Still, I wasn't convinced about it as I looked down at the body of Dabi. He had deep cuts all over his body, with blood welling up already and painting his white shirt with red stains. His arms were cut up, too, and I shuddered slightly, realizing what I'd done. I went overboard. I'm a hero. My job was to knock him out, not to cut him into strips. I need to control myself. Suddenly, I understood it.

I understood why, when I walked down the street, people stayed back, and why when I ordered a coffee, the bartender would give me dirty looks. For the first time, I saw myself the same way they saw me - I was a monster. I'd let my emotions take over, and I'd gone overboard. It didn't matter if Dabi was a villain. I was a hero, and my job was to keep everyone safe. It was wrong, so very wrong, of me to go that far in a fight with a villain, to the point that it looked as though he'd been sent through a shredder. I understood now what he'd meant last time he and I talked. I wasn't a hero. I wasn't suited to be one. A hero would never do this.

What terrified me even more than seeing Dabi's body was the fact that I felt no remorse. I felt no guilt whatsoever. He'd hurt me, so it was only fair that I hurt him, too, right? That mentality had gotten me to where I was now, standing in a daze over the body of a knocked out villain, so surely it was correct. There wasn't anything wrong with making criminals get what they deserve. There wasn't anything wrong with fighting back, and there wasn't anything wrong with wanting to rid the world of evil. But then again, if the criminals I fought were evil, and I'd hurt them just as bad as I'd hurt Dabi, did that make me evil, too? Surely not. After all, they were the ones that started it - I was just there to make sure to put an end to them. There wasn't anything wrong with that, was there?

My head began to ache, and it felt like someone was pounding nails into my skull. I dropped to my knees beside the still-unconscious body of Dabi, stuck in a trance. I need to tie him up, I told myself. I need to finish the job. I need to make sure he can't do any more damage than he's already done. I tried to get myself to move, but it was like my body was shut down. Even the burn from my arm faded away, until all that was left was the deafening rhythm of never-ending banging on my skull. My whole world seemed to be crashing down on me at the same time, and it was as if everything I'd been sure of before was only a half-truth. 

I was sure that I was good. I was sure that I was a hero. I was sure that I was right, and that it didn't matter if others thought differently, because I knew what I was doing was for the greater good. Now, I wasn't sure of anything. I didn't know if my unremorseful actions could be excused just because I'd been dealing with villains. They'd seemed perfectly normal to me before, but now, I saw it the way everyone else did. I saw that I was wrong. I was wrong to treat a villain like that, even if he'd brought so much pain to everyone. After all, that could've been me in his shoes instead. Heroes and villains were two sides of the same coin, weren't they?