Warning: Cutting trigger.
Pairing: Louis/Harry
Summary: Harry cuts again and doesn’t want to feel the guilt.
He continues to listen to the crash rain against the window; it was kind of soothing except for the thunder and lightning. He was scared of thunder and lightning ever since he was 9 years old. Another wave of thunder came down; he cringed and kept rocking back and forth; trying to calm himself from crying. He presses his hand hard against his mouth to not have his cries come out in the middle of the night. He didn't want to wake up Louis.
He didn't want to see Louis's disappointed face when he would show Louis his scarred covered arms, he is not in the mood to hold that guilt, or actually never is to hold that overweighing amount of guilt, he has enough guilt to hold on his shoulders. He disappoints Louis so much, he hates that. He wants to make his boyfriend happy and not to make Louis worry about whether he's going to cut that night or be cautious when Louis talks to him. But he screws just about everything up including his relationship, with the best boyfriend ever.
He sliced many new lines tonight for the hate he's gotten on twitter tonight, he knows everyone is right but he hates that it’s true, all of the things the people say about him. He wishes he was that person who didn’t care what people thought of themselves, but he just wasn’t the kind of person that was like that, he still wishes it though, it would make life so much easier. He wishes he was perfect, so much.
Why is he crying? He shouldn't be crying, he deserves this pain. Other people have it worse, way worse, and he's crying. Pathetic. A loud whimper escaped his mouth on accident. Shit. He heard a creak in the bed. Awesome now he has woken up Louis. "Hazza?" Louis' voice was scratchy from just waking up and plus it’s the middle of the night, but it’s still down right hot. He sniffles trying to keep from crying. "Y-yeah?" His voice cracks from the earlier sobbing. He's just going act normal he does not want to disappoint anyone, especially Louis.
It was pitch black but he could see Louis get up from the bed and walk towards him. Louis stretches his arms and yawns in the process. Louis sits down on the cold wooden floors next to him. The corners of Louis's mouth twitch up, making a small smile. He loved Louis's smile so much, he could watch it all day. "Hey love are we sleeping down here?" He could tell Louis was half joking, trying to lighten his sad mood. He wishes it would lighten his mood but it doesn’t.
He sniffled again, "no...” Louis sighed, a disappointed sigh. “Come ‘ere love." Louis patted his lap. He swung his leg on the other side of Louis's hip, straddling but not being sexual. Louis looked up in his eyes, the icy blue mixing with his emerald green. He instantly felt guilty. Louis rose a little bit of his knitted sleeve on both arms and felt the skin where the new cuts.
That's when he broke, he sobbed loud. "I'm sorry Lou, I really am." He looked down not able to look into Louis's eyes. "Babe look at me." He still looks down. He felt Louis's small hand grasp his chin and lifts up. "Do not apologize." Louis raised his arms and kissed the scars. He couldn't describe what he felt about that gesture, it was amazing. It was a small gesture but made a great feeling for him. "I love you, all of you." Louis said. Louis leaned down to peck his lips, his were a bit chapped but the kiss was still perfect. Louis tucked a loose curl behind his ear. “You have no idea how much I love you.” Louis kissed the corner of his mouth after that.
