hi lol this is more sad than the other one... i would appreciate if anyone reading this could leave advice? or just supportive comments idk it's just really hard at home and i need something to keep me going. i hope yall are okay and i hope you know that i'm here to help you too <3
i try to be the best daughter that i can, i really do try. i know i'm not a straight a student but i'm passing all my classes, i don't do drugs, i don't drink. i stay at home all day, i'm not like the other kids but i'm still not good enough am i? i behave i do everything they ask so why can't they just love me. every conversation ends with a fight and i don't know if i can handle it anymore. summer 2020 i was more "rebellious" with all the protests and activism i decided not to be quiet when my parents were racist or homophobic or what not but i regret it so much. they threaten to kick me out nearly every day, sometimes they did kick me out the door and i went to the park and sat there until they came to bring me back home, they told me something was wrong with me just because i had an opinion. so now i've just shut up but my sister keeps arguing with them and then they shout at me anyway and i don't know anymore...
here's an example:
my sister told my dad that i try shifting and then he started yelling at me and telling me i was stupid and messing with my head and maybe that's why something was wrong with me. he kept going and going even after i tried saying it was just dreaming or after i tried shutting it down i even got out CIA documents but he didn't stop. he asked why on earth i would be stupid and go to another reality and how was i supposed to tell him that being at home was hell because of him, because of my mother, because of my sister. my friends weren't the best and being a brown bisexual women in the world didn't make anything easier. this reality is so fucking upsetting so why wouldn't i want to leave?? but i couldn't tell him that... i've tried everything i can think of to make them proud, to make them happy, to make them be nice to me... what more can i do??
