Hartley Winston

Chapter 20

Quinn's POV

I didn't sleep at all last night.  Everytime I closed my eyes, I felt like Chase was on top of me.  My nose hurt like a son of bitch, my legs hurt, and I had no idea how much I could physically hurt in between my legs.

I got up around 4.  I was tired of lying there.  Steve was passed out on the floor and Two-Bit was sawing logs on the couch.  I grabbed Ponyboy's pack of cigarettes and climbed up into the tree house our Dad built when we were kids.  I zipped my sweatshirt and lit a smoke.  It wasn't long before tears were streaming down my face.  I didn't bother to wipe them away.  I felt worthless, disgusting, and damaged.  I'm not even sure if I was worth loving.

"Quinnie?"  Soda found me, "can I come up?"

"Yeah," I called out, not even bothering to look out.

It was long before Soda was sitting next to me, "figured you'd be up here."  I didn't reply, "Please, Quinnie don't shut me out.  Talk to me."

"Whaddya want me to say Soda?" I stubbed out my butt and lit another one.

"I don't know." He sighed and lit a cigarette himself.

"Soda, I don't blame ya."  Soda hid his face in his shirt.  I knew he was crying.  I hated knowing that this affected him so much, "Soda?" I threw my arms around him.

"Quin, if you an' me hadn't fought...and I slapped ya."  Soda sobbed into my shoulder.

"Soda," I started tearing up again, "stop blaming yourself."  I whispered fiercely.   The last thing I wanted was for him to blame himself, "I didn't fight back hard enough.  I forgot my blade.  I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings."  Soda pulled me close to him, "I just feel so dirty.  I can't get the feeling of him off of me!" 

"Hey," Soda held my face in his hands, 'we're gonna get through this."  He wiped my tears with his thumb.  "It's gonna be ok."  We sat up in the tree house a little longer and watched the sunrise.

Darry was cooking breakfast when Soda and I came in from outside.  Darry immediately hugged me, "are you hungry, Quinn?"

"No," but I smelled the coffee and couldn't resist, "I'll have a cup of coffee though."

"How can you drink that stuff?" Soda asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Really?" I asked, "coffee is a normal beverage.  How can you eat eggs with grape jelly?" I asked.

Soda grinned, "I can't help that you don't understand my advanced palate."

"Whose advanced," Pony asked coming around the corner.  He looked at me and quickly looked down.

"Soda apparently has advanced taste."

Pony didn't respond.  Every one got real quiet.  "Hey Pone," I hugged him, "it's still me baby brother."  He nodded and hugged me back, "I'll cover the bruises ok? Outta sight, outta mind."

"Quinn, you don't have to, I just want you to be ok."

"Hey, how can I not be when I got the three of you?"  I sipped my coffee, praying that he didn't realize how not okay I was.  I took another sip and saw the time, "Darry! You're gonna be late for work!  You too, Soda!"

Nobody else seemed panicked, "I called in." Darry said nonchalantly as he scooped eggs out of the pan.

"Me and Steve have the day off."  Soda said, happily munching on his eggs and jelly.

"Ponyboy, I called the school and told them you would be absent today," I stared at Darry, wide eyed.  The only time he ever took off work was when Johnny killed that Soc and then again when Pony was so sick after the rumble.

"Darry, you don't have too."

Darry hugged me tightly, "hey, I know I don't, but you're more important right now, Savvy?"

"Savvy."