Two of Us

Chapter 4: Elle

I stepped into Doctor Jensen's office and reviewed my surroundings. The room, alike this entire building, was stark white and looked like it could easily be a hospital room. The room was bare of all furniture and decorations, apart from a desk that Doctor Jensen sat at in the middle of the room.

"Michelle, thankyou for being so punctual. Please come take a seat and let's get started with your first day of therapy." Doctor Jensen said, gesturing to sit down in a cushioned chair across from him.

I sat down where he pointed and hugged my arms to my chest nervously, running through the advice that Seth had given her over breakfast.

"So Michelle-"

"It's Elle." I interrupted, I was getting pretty sick of hearing everyone call me that around here.

"Sorry Michelle, we like to call people by their given name here, nicknames are sweet and all but we've noticed many of our patients prefer to use nicknames that could encourage their gender confusion, so we've put a ban on them completely. Now may I continue?"

I nodded. I guess I would just have to get used to it.

"So Michelle, you know why you're here. Your parents caught you kissing a girl. In today's session we are just aiming to get to the root of why you might have been having such impure thoughts, then when we discover that maybe we can start discussing treatments." he paused to offer me a glass of water which I quickly declined, "So, any ideas so far? Tell me what was running through your head when you did that."

My mind went back to the day in question, when I had leaned in and gently kissed Jamie, feeling her smile into the kiss before my dad had barged in. What had been going through my head at that time? I loved that girl. And I wanted to be able to kiss her in my own room in my own home. But I knew telling him that wouldn't be the best idea so my brain thought back to the tips Seth had written down on the napkin.

"I think, at the time I'm not really sure what had come over me. I just know that growing up my mom wasn't really around that much, always working and I spent most of my time with my dad." I said, quoting the tragic backstory Seth had suggested.

"Brilliant observation, Michelle, that could link to why you find yourself needing to get attention from girls rather than boys; you never had that female attention growing up.

I bit my tongue at the obvious lie, both of my parents had been brilliant growing up, this was nothing to do with them. I can't choose who I fall in love with, but to talk to the girl I love I have to just play along with whatever bullshit he says.

"That could also explain why you feel the need to dress so masculine." he continued, gesturing to my outfit, "Of course you are free to wear what you like whilst here as long as you are cooperating with treatment. But yes that explains a lot." He began writing notes down on his clipboard.

The next hour passed incredibly slowly. It was a full hour of him asking about my childhood, my early teenage years, what my hobbies were, who I was friends with, the first time I ever had an 'impure thought' about another girl. By the time the hour was up it was a battle to keep the grateful smile plastered on my face when I so badly wanted to just stand and throw his stupid clipboard in his face. But to get to talk to Jamie I had to just grin and bear it.

Finally he concludes the session by saying

"Excellent work today Michelle, you have been so helpful and seem to be really proactive in your treatment. We usually get a little bit more resistance than this on the first few days. I reckon you'll be ready to discuss your treatment probably in your session in a couple of days! What an achievement."

He paused and handed me a slip of paper which he had signed and dated.

"This is your pass to write a letter to someone back home. One pass equals one letter so choose carefully who you write to you only get one today. I usually wouldn't give out one of these so early but you really are being an ideal patient." he smiled and gestured to the clock on the wall.