"you loved the amber skies so much"
( 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 )
❛ the world was cruel
so cruel,
but she was the best thing in the universe ❜
in which they find some everlas...
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XXXVI. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU
OR
XXXVI. CHANGES FOR THE WORSE
THE DAY EVERYTHING CHANGED was a Tuesday. There was a load of avengers meetings that day, and Amara had to be at these second, not the first. So, naturally, she was to bring Milly, now six years old to school.
"Love you," Natasha says, giving both of them a quick kiss.
"Bye, Mama!" Maddy says.
"Do you have to go?" Natasha asks. "What if we took the day off?"
"I wish my love," Amara says. "But we've got meetings all day, and you should probably get going before you're late."
"Yeah," Natasha says reluctantly. "I'll see you at the next briefing okay?" She kissed Amara again, another exchange of "I love you" and they were out the door.
Buckled in, and ready Amara climbed into the front seat, turning on the music.
Well I came home Like a stone And I fell heavy into your arms
Amara started up the car, humming along to the radio and Looking back At Maddy before pulling out of the garage. They lived in an apartment of Avengers Tower, and they were happy there. It was an odd family, but it was their family.
They were happy in New York. Both of them had stable jobs and if they had a mission together, they would bring Maddy to Clint and Laura's house for a sleepover with Lilah and Cooper, uncle Clint who once sent her home with a real-life arrow. Clint then got a stern talking-to from Natasha, and Amara hung it on her wall, out of her reach.
These days of dust Which we've known Will blow away with this new sun
"Mommy," Maddy says. "There's a bake sale next week."
"Oh, fun," Amara says, keeping her eyes on the road. "I'll tell mama to send you with money when she takes you to school." Maddy bounced slightly in her car seat, making Amara smile.
She felt so completely lucky that she got her happy ending.
But I'll kneel down Wait for now And I'll kneel down Know my ground
Amara sang along with Maddy, something the two of them did whenever she drove her to school. Amara knew that Maddy would be a music person when she grew up, and she couldn't wait to see her grow up.
"And I will wait, I will wait for you!" Maddy sings, her voice cheerful and excited, both of them unaware of what was to come. Amara sings along with her, cheery with her baby.
So break my step And relent You forgave and I won't forget
The car behind them was driving a bit too slow and too close for Amara's liking, so she took a bit of a detour to get away from the car. but the car followed her. She checked her maps and her mirrors, wondering what the hell this car was doing.
She shut out the voices and the music in her head, trying to think. She sped up a bit, then slowed down, the car behind her doing the same, riding her bumper. Amara scoffed, watching the car through her rearview mirror.
She picked up her phone and called Natasha, the phone going to voicemail.
Panic surged through her. this job had its dangers, but she'd never been as scared as this. Her hands shook as she left a voicemail, her voice shaky. Maddy was looking out the window, not worried, her little kid's brain wouldn't even be able to comprehend her mother's fear.
She was on the phone with Natasha's voicemail, possibly saying goodbye, knowing that she might be acting overdramatic, but she just wanted to say goodbye.
One last time if she had to.
The car behind her, she noticed had a little red sticker next to its license plate. One that someone wouldn't know if they hadn't looked at it many times before.
HYDRA.
She cursed under her breath. In the time she spent here, she knew a bit about HYDRA, a lot more than she probably should've. This was it, she realized. That voicemail was real. Suddenly, she looked back at Maddy.
"I love you."
"I love you too mommy," Maddy replies.
"It's all going to be okay."
And then, the first impact.
☾☼☽
It's darkness, and then it's light. Bright, white blinding light, hurts your eyes. You realize it, you're dead.
She's going to have to go home to an empty house. She's going to miss you, left behind in the world that you created. and you feel guilty.
Cold and guilty. Guilty that you didn't keep fighting. Guilty that you're gone. Terrified of what you left behind.
You ask if you're dead, knowing the answer.
You get no response and then it's dark again, dark and cold. and you miss her, you miss her like crazy.
Amara felt all of those things, cold and dry and pain, searing white-hot pain. She cried, screamed for them to let her go back, to let her see her one last time. To let Amara hold her wife, her best friend. To hold her baby, to wear her ring, to carry on. Even if for a little bit. The longing was so much. She just stayed in the dark, the cold the pain, it all became an old friend by the time she was used to it.
Maybe she deserved this. Maybe, cold, sad, and in pain was where she was supposed to be. She failed her daughter and her wife. She felt alone, and she hated it. She hadn't felt alone since before Natasha.
She realized, soon and quickly, that this was the end.
This was her end.
Her story, she and Natasha's story was over, and the pain wouldn't be going away anytime soon.
