Becoming One

10 ~ The right way

"I am so sorry, I didn't think enough before I acted. Please punish me in whichever way that suits you which can make up for what I did." I had the need of getting rid of the guilt I felt, from both this and from what had happened earlier today.

I looked at her and felt so apologetic that it could almost be sensed from miles. She most have also done so, because she loosened the tight grip of her own hands and used the right one to point at something behind me. I turned around and tried to figure out what it was, but without any result. I looked back at her and she was still doing the same, till she started to make a commanding gesture which indicated that she wanted me to move further away from her. And so I did.

"You surely are a bit slow ain't you? Move to the bench next to this one, you're too dangerous and I don't feel safe sitting so close to you." She sighed while shaking her head slowly, making me feel even more hopeless.

I moved accordingly and she could finally sit down without any worries. I then observed her from the side, to spot even more charms than ever before. She was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, with a cool flannel shirt wrapped around her waist and a basic black singlet which was covering half of her thigh. Then she had wrapped a scarf around her neck and the overall look was just blindingly cool, however, to me, it was more like how she was trying to look while in reality, she just looked adorably cute.

My face's muscles started to ache, and so I noticed that I had been smiling while spacing out. I put my poker face on as fast as possible and wished that she hadn't witnessed that.

"Stop grinning so foolishly and get started with the talk, I thought it was urgent? Or did you just use that as an excuse to bother me and kill some time?" Her voice indicated that she was trying to be ironic, but what she was saying was true, I should start the real talk.

"Remember when I told you that neither me nor my twin resemble each other? No matter how motivated I am to find her, that is the only fact that makes me get discouraged. I feel as though even if I could have already met her, I wouldn't be able to recognize her.

When I was younger I could sense how my sister was feeling no matter how much distance there was between us. But after she had disappeared, that ability began to fade away to occasional moments.

In the beginning, when her feelings stopped reaching me, I became lost. I blamed myself for not caring and not trying enough to remember her. Later on when I noticed that her emotions came back to me occasionally, i could no longer take the blame. I came to the conclusion that she was living well, and that there was nothing to worry about, since the lack of feelings could mean lack of dramatic occurrences. From that point on I tried to cut my interest and thought that I would try to forget about her to give her the chance to adapt to her new life, instead of ruining it for her and shattering everything that she believed in.

Since the decision I had made was a hard one I had a hard time to accept it, but then when I met you and saw her ring, all my thoughts became twisted. I do not know what to do. Neither do I know what is right to do. My head is a huge mess." I raised my gaze from the ground and met her focused eyes.

"I know that you're probably wishing that you had never met me so that you never would have to get through this. But I feel like it was fate that brought us together. Mostly because I think differently from you. Last time we were discussing this issue, you said that you had been looking for her all your life but always been interrupted by those close to you. Doesn't that make you think that there might be something to the story which you haven't been told?

Also, the feeling which you were talking about could possibly also be sensed by your sister, so she is probably also aware of your existence and feels the need of meeting you just as you do, so isn't it better if you give it a shot?" Her hands were tied together and clenched and I understood that she really was enthusiastic about helping me.

I felt the need of holding her hands and massaging them to make her relax. I felt like kissing her once more and continuing to do so all day long. Even I was surprised by my thoughts. This was the first time I ever felt like this. I just wanted to stand up and go to her but I didn't want her to leave if she felt offended. I held it in and did my best to control my instincts. She was watching me while I was having a duel within myself. She was certainly thinking that I was thinking about what she said so I should give her an answer.

"I have also thought about that, but the research that I have made shows that not all twins have mutual sense for each others feelings, some are one sided while others are non-existing. However, if it really is true, then I think that it is worth the try. I think we should start our investigation now!" I was suddenly filled with energy and I really wanted to get this mystery solved immediately.

"First of all, we should ask Ahmed how he got his hands on the ring to easier be able to identify who your twin is. How about I give him a call?" Her suggestion was appealing, but the fact that she had another guy's number wasn't.

I gave my approval with a nod so she took her phone out from her pocket. She called his number and put the call on speaker. When he answered after the third signal, she put the phone on recording-mode.

They exchanged their islamic greetings which made me even more jealous of that guy whom I had no clue about.

"Ahmed I am calling because there is an important matter I would like to discuss with you, do you have the time?" The way she said his name, with such delicacy and awareness angered me. Even though I knew in my subconsciousness that I was exaggerating I still didn't like it.

"Just a moment please.... Hey I need to go know, salamoaleykom, call me when you are free!... Yes, go on" He was trying to cover his sound by putting the phone somewhere far away from his mouth, but his voice reached us anyway.

"Last time you stopped by our house, you lost your ring there. I know that it is rude to ask but where did you get it from?" I was quite impressed by her ability of getting to the point straight away. It was impossible not to admire her.

"A ring? I don't remember having such a thing... Oh yeah! I just remembered. I got it from some guy in school, he said he found it on the ground so I took it without asking, why is it yours?" I didn't like how his voice showed concern towards her. It was worse because she seemed to be moved by it getting all blushy.

"Eh.. Hmm.. It's n..." Urghh... I was hating him more for each second, why is he interrupting her?

"Oh sorry for asking, it doesn't really have anything to do with me. Especially when we shouldn't poke our nose in others' affairs in Islam. Is there anything else you would like to ask?" I was fed up, I switched the speaker off since I couldn't bear to listen to his calm, mature and intelligent speech with his mild but simultaneously dark voice.

Ishraaq was surprised but didn't mention it, she put the phone towards her ear and spoke.

"There actually is, I wonder if you could do me the favor of showing me who the one who gave you the ring is? Oh and by the way is it okay if I keep the ring for a while? I think I can return it to it's owner." God, she was so clever, she could take care of something as major as this so simply. She is doubtlessly incredible.

He seemed to agree to her suggestion since she thanked him and then cut the conversation with their special greeting.

She smiled at me to encourage me that we were half way done, and the more I looked at her, the more I got convinced by that.

I finally felt like I was headed in the right way.

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