IN MY DREAMS [A POE DAMERON X READER STORY] [BOOKS 1-3]

chapter four

For the second time in your life, you woke up with burns covering your body. But this time, you could remember getting them. Panicked gasps burst out of you as you raised your upper body off the bed, feeling the weight of something against your shoulders. Hands. They lowered you down gently, pushing you back against the flatness of the cot. You grasped them tightly, horrified and so alone.

"Kylo," you whimpered, knowing that it would be him standing over you.

He hushed you. You relaxed, knowing that there was no reason to panic with him with you now. You closed your eyes and relaxed your grip on his hands. He pulled back.

"Are we home?" you asked.

"Not yet," he said. "Soon."

You nodded and shifted ever so slightly, wincing at the pain in your arms and abdomen. "Ah --- ow."

"Don't move," he said. As he spoke, you gazed down at the needle that was stuck in the inside of your arm. You groaned and turned your head from it. "When we get back on base, you'll be sent to the med-bay. They've managed to stabilize you here for now, but they'll assess the real damage when we get back."

Your skin felt incredibly hot and stung continuously. But even that pain couldn't be compared to the wound in your stomach. As you gazed down, you could only see the gauze wrapped tightly around your middle. It was stained with blood. Flashes of memories went across your mind, and some of them, you realized with a start, didn't quite fit what had happened to you.

A burning building coming down over you. A scream bursting out of you, forming a name you couldn't place on a person.

Your gaze lifted. None of it made sense. Your brows wrinkled in confusion, but you could no longer focus on a single memory that had just flashed through your mind.

"What is it?" Kylo murmured.

"My head." You swallowed. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You've been through a lot. I'll have them check you for a concussion when we get back home, but you're just afraid. Everything is alright."

"I'm not scared," you said. "I'm just confused."

"I understand."

You couldn't stop thinking about the man that rescued you. He didn't fit in any of the memories that had come back to you just now, but between remembering him and seeing the burning building coming down over you, you were so overwhelmed --- and so desperate for answers.

"Where is he?" you croaked. He didn't reply, so you looked at him. "Where is the man that rescued me?"

"Rescued you?" Kylo muttered. He scoffed. "He shot you. He was attempting to arrest you."

"No," you said, shaking your head slowly. "No, you're wrong. He dragged me away from the flames. When I got shot, he picked me up. I don't know where he was taking me, but he kept telling me that he wasn't going to let me die."

"And you believed him."

You didn't answer, but the answer was obvious. It seemed ridiculous to trust someone on the opposite side of war, but you did. The man was genuine. You knew he wasn't going to let anything happen to you.

He sighed in disappointment. "He's a liar. He was just making sure you didn't fight him."

"No, it wasn't like that," you said. "It was obvious I couldn't have fought him. Besides, I... I swear that I remember him."

"Remember him?"

"Yes," you said. "I couldn't place how. But when I looked at him, I did not see a stranger. It was so frightening but amazing. I looked at him and it was like... like when I look at you. I know him--"

"You don't know him."

"I'm telling you that I do! Now tell me honestly. Is he dead?"

"Not yet. The scum is currently onboard another transport. He'll be questioned on base and then terminated promptly."

"Terminated? For what?" You sat up only slightly as you raised your voice. "He saved me---"

"He will be terminated for being a part of the Resistance! This isn't the time to start sympathizing with them, ___, no matter what you think he did for you."

"I'm not sympathizing," you defended. "I promise that I'm not. I know that the Resistance are criminals. I just... I want to talk to him. I know he remembered me, too."

"Remembered you?" he scoffed. "He knew you were my student. He knew how much you were worth to the Resistance and---"

"No. I could feel it. I don't know how to explain it better to you, Kylo."

He was angry and you could tell. "___, you were found alone on a planet. Completely abandoned. Everyone that you knew either left you or died. There is no one else!"

"That cannot be true," you said. "I can remember things sometimes. People! I can't see their faces, but I know that they're there."

"Your mind is creating things you wish to see," he said.

"No. I am content with the life that I have. These memories come without me prompting them. Just then when my burns hurt, I could remember feeling you pick me up off the rubble. Things remind me of then and I can suddenly remember. And everything is small, but I am telling you, Kylo. It's there. I just want to ask him if he knows anything about me."

"I won't allow it."

"What?"

His voice was venom. "I forbid it."

Disbelief replaced your fear. You could feel the trembling in the energy around him and that should've made you back away, but your energy matched his as your anger fueled you. "You forbid it?! You are not my parent!"

"I am your teacher!" he shouted. As you felt a grip around your arms, you stared at him in gaping shock. He wasn't touching you and yet you could feel him holding you tighter and tighter. You cried out but he didn't back off. He raised a finger and leaned down until he was inches away from your face. Even though you were staring at the cold, emotionless face of a mask, you knew that beneath it, he was fuming. He never yelled at you like that. He never hurt you purposefully before. "I am all that you have in this entire universe. If it weren't for me, you'd be dead. I know what is best for you. And you are going to respect me."

A dagger met your heart in that moment. All feelings of love you felt for him fell away so quickly. You were suddenly grateful for the interruption that kept you from speaking the existence of the meadow out loud. What would he have said to that?

"I won't hear another word about him," he said. He pulled back slowly. You fixated your eyes straight ahead at the ceiling, desperately wanting to avoid him. "Or another word about your memories. Maybe once you've healed, you'll realize how ridiculous you're being. I'm sure the pain you're in is making you think without sense."

And just like that, he was gone. And yet you did not move. Tears sizzled like fire deep beneath your skin and your burns. But you let them fall as you learned, for the first time, that you hated the man you were sure was your only friend.