ALEXEI |18+

24

The moment her convoy left everything felt different like a sense of déjà vu, a sudden emptiness clouding my thoughts as I stood rooted in place watching the black cars speed off putting on more distance between myself and her; the sweat pant I had on after the Irish raid clings to my skin watching the fleets of black cars speed off standing bare footed outside one of the many modern safe homes owned by the Russians; Elijah and myself we inherited after the demise of our parents. Something tells me to call her back, go after her for it may be the last, to tell her I have finally gotten to understand what she meant by losing something you love. Once upon a night, she confessed she did not want to lose me to the mafia and I just stared back at her not grasping the literal meaning of her words. What kept pondering in my head is why I will ever have the fear of losing something when I have never known the deeper meaning laced behind those words she said that very day. I never knew what fear is, I live like I could defeat death because I did countless times. I had nothing to lose if I died, now the story seems different as the hands of the clock ticks telling me I had everything to lose inside one of those cars and then I felt it; fear. Now, now I do and that pull is dragging my heart into a proscribe abyss telling me that I will lose her, that she won’t be back like she promised.

She will be back. She will be back. She will be back.

My heart pounds hard against my chest hoping the chanted words will quench my exert heart. Why can’t I believe the words of chant I express loudly to myself? Sighing, I went back into the ruined apartment pondering on the fact why I let her go. I could have persuaded her more to stay back, possibly chained her to the bed; I don’t know, I just could have done something, anything than this frighten state of mind telling me she’s not safe out there without me by her side. I know it. Standing inside the apartment eyes locked on the ruined home only cuts deeper the insecurity of letting her go alone, those men cannot even protect themselves from my wrath so what happens if something or someone is out there on their trail.

“If I die I will die my happiest because I got to fall in love with you Alexei. You know I believed I was never good enough for any man until you walked through my doors.” She pauses looking at her belly affectionate. “I need you to promise me something Alexei, if it comes to life and death situation you have to save our child. Promise me Alexei.”

I could have said yes or probably no because in truth I do not want to ever lose her; instead I let her lean back falling asleep on my chest after a shorter while never replying her.

Those words which were said before the softness of her soft cherry plump lips covers mine taking me into the warmth of her passion, wrapped in her sweet scent enveloping me in the purest umbrella of her love for me. I never knew a day will come where I actually wish to be protected, to be rocked or to want the comfort from a female. All I cared about was fucking and sinking my dick in a bitch but Rosie fucked that whole world for me and I never recovered and I doubt I ever will. I got the love of a mother, the care of a sister, the desires of a lusty seductress and the passion of the woman in her. She became everything to me in the matter of three months. Still yet those same words mock me as my bare feet steps on the debris and shattered glass littered in the apartment wanting to know what seems dead inside me. She fucked with me. She fucked with me real hard.

“Fuck! Fuck!” A loud painful growl escapes my lips. “Aghhh!”

Winding my body in the opposite direction searching for my most valuable creation stumbling at some point just to dissipate the fear of uncertainty and to make sure she is indeed safe till she gets to the O’Connor fortress that way my mind can be at rest. I stepped into the only place that was not a mess, her smell hitting me like the morning rose titillating my nostrils in an entrapped trance walking slowly to the bed where she last laid, hair splayed on the pillow. I could still see her moaning turning to the other side unconsciously popping her hips out. Crazed. Picking up the sheets sniffing at it knowing it can only tame my demons wanting to go after her in fear of losing my priced possession. But no matter what I tried it all bounced back to the creepy emotion of her not coming back tonight as promised. Watching her smile fade as her body heat slowly turns cold while I watched in horror as she disappears in my arms.