In Between [ATARAXIA Series #1]

O16

"Congratulation Mr. Azzelle. After years of staying here, you finally can go out." I saw how proud Dr. Sid to me. I give him a smile when he gives me a man-to-man hug.  All the staff that takes care of me smile at me. Finally. It was over. 

"Azzelle, I hope we saw each other again," Yvon l said. We are now at the entrance of the hospital. I nodded to him.

"Don't worry. I'll visit all of you when I'm free." 

"I will miss you..." He suddenly uttered. 

"Me too, Yvon. Me too." He helped me to put my bag in the trunk of the car. 

"Take care. Go back here if you're bored." I nodded. I even waved to Yvon when the taxi started to drove away. I can't help to stare at the big hospital until it fades into my sight. The hospital becomes my home. I wonder what will be my life like for now. 

"Sir, we are here." The driver said. I paid for the ride. When the taxi was gone I found myself. Looking at the big black rusty gate. Before it looks like an expensive gate now because of rust it looks like an abandoned one.

"Time passed so fast and everything changed huh..." I whispered. I don't have any news about my family. They never visited me at the hospital and I don't know what I should feel about it. From outside I rang the doorbell. After a minute someone opened it.

"Who is---Sir Azzelle?" A woman with white hair was the one who opened the door. I know her. She is my nanny before. Her eyes grew wider and hugged me right away.

"It's you, Azzelle. I missed you, son." I hugged her back. She always called me son and I'm used to that. She is my nanny side I was young. 

"I missed you too, Nana Elise..." She let me go inside. As my foot stepped inside memories flashed to me. I miss this place. The place where I grew up. It's a big huge mansion. I saw our garage before there are many different kinds of cars inside of it but now it was all gone. Nana Elise and I sat in the living room even though our luxury furniture are gone. 

"Nana, where are my parents and brother?" A saw tears rolled down nana's eyes. I immediately comforted her. 

"What's wrong, Nana?" I held her hand. 

"Azzelle, your father was in prison for the illegal use of drugs. Your mom she's now with her new family in the US. This house is the only one left, they can't  sell it because this is under your name." After hearing that I feel betrayed. I guessed my life is fucked up. My family hated me but it hurts knowing what happened to them. 

"My brother?" Nana avoided my eyes. I don't know why but I felt nervous because of that. 

"I'm sorry, Azzelle... I'm here. Your nana is here to stay beside you." I didn't notice but I'm shedding tears already.  

***

"I always clean your room, Azzelle. You should rest for a while." She said as she walked me to my old room. 

"Wait nana..." I stop her. 

"Yes, Azzelle? Do you need something?" I shook my head. 

"I'm just curious. Where did you get money to sustain your needs here and the bills if no one's giving you an allowance?" She smiled at me. 

"Your family attorney. He always gives me an allowance. At first, I declined but he keeps insisting. He said I should wait for you here and you back and here you are." I nodded. Before entering my old room. Same scent. Same furniture. Same bed. Nothing changed. I lay down on my old bed and looked at the ceiling with abstract paint. I just stared at it until I dozed asleep. 

I woke up because of the knock on my door.  "Azzelle, it's nana. Attorney lee was waiting for you in the library."

"Sure, Nana. I'll just change my clothes." When I'm done I immediately go to the library. A man wearing an eyeglass with a leather black bag waiting for me. When I entered he noticed me right away.

"It's good to see you Mr. Azzelle..." He said and he gestured for me to sit so I did. "I'm Zachary Lee your family attorney. By the way, congratulation for success operation. I'm the one who finds a donor for you and I'm happy that I made it on time or else you'll die." I don't know if I'll be glad because of that or not.

"Thank you so much." He nodded.

"I'll be straight to the point, why I am here. As you see your family businesses are gone. But even your family properties are gone.  But  your properties aren't." My forehead creased. 

"What do you mean?" He gets papers from his bag.

"Your grandparents made you an heir for their 50% properties before they died. And to be honest with you Mr. Azzelle all the money that you used for your treatment was from your own money. Your parents just made up a story that they lose their money because of you. Because once you die all your properties will be given to your dad. They lose everything because of their desires. They thought you'll die so they end up using all their money until they end up having many debts from different people. Not just ordinary people some of those are from illegal transactions." I can't speak. I felt a pang inside me. Knowing your parents never cared about you. I did my best not to cry. I'm not going to cry. They didn't deserve it. 

"My brother?" I asked. He took a deep sigh.

"Your brother is your donor..." My world stop when I heard that. I felt hot tears streaming down my eyes.

"W-why?.. H-he hate me r-right?." My voice was broken. He looked down.

"He found out that your parents are lying about everything he hated you because your parents told him that he can't continue his dream because of your situation. That, you are the reason why everything is falling. But he found out the truth and he regrets it. He begged me. He pled to let him be your donor." Pain? I just realized that all my life I've been facing pain and it is so tiring to the point I wish I'm numb. Why everything that happened to me was painful enough to destroy me? Why my life is like this? One moment I'm okay and another moment I'm broken. Maybe this is how God designed my life.  

After the talk between Attorney lee and me. He said I should handle the business that my grandparents left for me. I said yes to that and went to my brother. 

"H-hey bro..." I sat in front of his tomb. I never expect that I will see him like this. I expect that he'll punch me as he saw me entering the house. The sky starts dimming already. 

"I hate you... I hate you for being a good brother.." I looked up to stop myself from crying. I mesmerized all my memories with him. "You are too good that's why even you cursed me. Wished me to die. I was never mad at you. You are my best friend. My brother..." Memories start bombarding me. 

"Hey, little brother don't run you might get hurt..."  He said while chasing me in the garden. The place filled with my little giggles and laughter. 

"I'll protect you, Azzelle no matter what." He promises when someone just hurt me. He immediately protects me from them even if they end up beating him like a pup. Even though he is covered with bruises he managed to smile at me and hugged me. 

"Big bro is always with you. Promise..." He ruffles my hair after that. 

I remembered how he loves me. How he protected me. It just changed when my sickness occurred and ruin his dream. He wanted to be a musician but because of my condition and because of the selfishness of my parents they made a story and my brother was forced to let go of his dream. And he hated me for that. 

He is too good. Even though many times he threw hurtful words toward me in the end he did his duty to protect me from death. I patted my chest where my heart is. His heart.  I wiped my tears away and smiled as if he'll going to see it. The wind embraced me which caused my hair to be a mess. I chuckled. It's like someone ruffled my hair and my brother always did to me when he was alive.

"Like what you've said before, you are now always with me literally. Because your heart was beating inside me."