Empyrean Iris Story Collection

Duct Tape

Together the aliens hummed in appreciation, "we are pleased to find that there is something we can do that you humans haven't already mastered."

With a wave of his hand the human brushed off the complement returning it, "Please, you give us too much credit. Our science is practically in its infancy in comparison."

They spoke for a few more minutes before the aliens paused looking at them expectantly. The scientists glanced over at the soldier with a confused expression which was unnervingly returned in equal measure.

"Well?" The Vrul wondered.

"Well what?"

"Well, where is your piece of technology. That is what this conference is for after all, to share your inventions with the world."

Together the human's hearts dropped into their stomachs and they glanced at each other with wide panicked eyes, "We were supposed to bring an invention?"

"Of course...." The aliens glanced at each other, "Do you no have one."

"Well I n-"

"Of course we do! Just messing with you, obviously." The scientist turned to look at the soldier with a panicked expression of warning eyebrows raised almost to his hairline.

"Don't tell me you forgot about our invention, Dr. I mean it is one of the most important pieces of technology in human history." He continued to glower in panic, what was this blabbermouth doing. It was like watching a man stand with a shovel in a hole seven feet deep and insist he wasn't digging his own grave.

This was going to be the single most embarrassing moment of his career.

The soldier nudged his ribs, "You know, THAT technology."

He cleared his throat in frustration and nodded, "Oh yes of course..... I'm sorry I just got so..... Excited that I blanked for a moment. Why don't YOU show them. You are so much better at these things than me."

"Er...." The soldier began, "Of course I will. Hold on and let me grab it real quick." He stood up setting his bag on the table and then began rummaging through it.

The scientist put his head in his hands, unless he had an antimatter core shoved in his bag they were fucked.

The human held up a finger as the aliens looked on expectantly, "Hold on just have to find it first....." The scientist felt as if he was about to puke. Then the soldier's eyes lit up, and his face was crossed with a massive grin. "Ah there it is." The scientist looked on in confusion

The aliens leaned forward as the human stood taller hand still shoved in his bag.

"What I am about to show you may well be one of the most important inventions is the history of humanity, Nay! The history of the galaxy, single handedly responsible for human innovation

Beyond the warp core, beyond life support and anti gravity, this is the single most important invention to ever grace the field of human scientific knowledge. Its application is endless as a multipurpose tool and is so adaptable it can be used for ANY, and I mean ANY application."

The aliens sat wide eyed and the scientist leaned forward with bated breath. What could be so grand that the soldier could spin a lie like that and get away with it. He didn't appear to even be breaking a sweat.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and distinguished others, I present to you the..... The multifunctional Universal Unilateral Bonding Strop." With a theatrical flourish worthy of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, the soldier withdrew his arm from the bag and raised his hand high into the air, where light from the ceiling caught and reflected off its shiny silver surface....