On The Edge

Chapter ten

"I love you" He whispered with his lips a few inches from my forehead.

I was speechless. I had no clue what to say. Should I just say it back even if I wasn't sure if I meant it? Maybe I did love him and just didn't realise it, my mom had told me that this thing between me and Jeremy was love. Maybe she was right.

"I ... I lo.." I stumbled.

"I should get going. I'll see you tomorrow Alexa" He interrupted me and gave me smile.

I watched him through the window as he walked over to his car. He got in just before it started to rain, and drove down the path through the woods. I should just have said those three small words to him. Why didn't I just say it to him? It's not a big deal. I watched as the rain started pouring down and slowly flooded the driveway. 

It was getting late and I should probably go to bed. But I knew I wouldn't get any sleep. My dreams had lately become nightmares. Foggy nightmares filled with pictures of my night out with Astrid, Tristan trying to seduce me, me walking on the edge of the ravine and falling, and then there was a pair of cold greyblue eyes I kept seeing. But I had no clue who they belonged to. 

I went to bed and starred up at the ceiling. I thought about my meeting today with Jackson. I'd felt weird in his presence, especially as I leaned into him. I'd felt a tingling feeling, almost burning where he touched me. And I knew why. It was my body that tried to tell me, that what I was doing was wrong. It tried to make me stay away from Jackson and stay true to Jeremy.

That night I went to sleep restless. I kept turning, but eventually I fell a sleep. And with sleep came the nightmares.

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Five days later was Jeremy still hovering around me constantly. He had been here every day the last five days and it was driving me nuts. Something was a little off about him, but I had no clue why. He was laying on my bed watching youtube as I was looking through my dresser for my training tights. 

"So when are you going to see this Jake again?" He asked and put his phone away. We hadn't really talked about Jackson since our fight. 

I looked at him for a few seconds before answering. He was wearing a long sleeved black t-shirt and an army-green cardigan, that brought out his green eyes.

"I don't know. I was thinking about texting him and see if he wanted to meet up next week. Would you like to join us?"

"Me? Why?" 

"So you can meet him and see he's a great guy. You'll love him" I said convinced that they would get along.

"Okay, if it makes you happy" He said and sent me a shy smile. Jeremy was a gentle guy, a bit shy and very careful. In school he already knew everyone and didn't meet new people that often. So he wasn't that good at making smalltalk with new people, but neither was I. It will be perfectly fine I thought. 

"Thank you Jer" I jumped onto the bed and hugged him. Even though I should probably have kissed him. "I'll text him now"

I found the note with Jackson's number in my drawer and began texting him:

Hey, do you wanna meet up some time next week? :)

- Alexa

And hit send. Jeremy put hit hands on my cheeks and kissed me slowly. I really really tried to enjoy it, but I wasn't that good at it. I had convinced myself, that when I got better at it, the sparks would be there. Jeremy's hands travelled down to my waste and pulled me closer. So close I could feel his long blonde curls against my forehead. 

We laid down on our sides in the bed. He opened his mouth slightly and kissed me with tongue. The snogging felt like it had gone on for ages, when he started to kiss me down the neck. But it wasn't gentle kisses, they were harsh. I really didn't like it, but I would feel bad for him if I told him. So I chose to spare his feelings. His kisses was moving further and further down and his hands was sliding up under my shirt on my back. 

In the middle of it all my phone buzzed and I pulled away to check it. Saved by the bell.

We could go to the travelling carnival? You can bring Jeremy if you want to

- Jake

"Jake answered, I guess we are going to a carnival next week"

"Great!" He said trying to send me a smile, even though I knew he was disappointed that we were interrupted. 

We hadn't been together yet.  Every time he tried to move to the next base I just found a new excuse. I wanted to wait until my feelings developed and I felt the same as him. But I didn't want to hurt him, so I avoided telling him how I felt. I just needed to keep it up and then eventually there would be sparks between us, and I would feel butterflies in my stomach every time I saw him.

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