The Burning Barn [BxB]

Chapter 10

And he had killed him. If he had just had more self-control he could have stopped the inevitable. If he had never kissed him, Lukas never would have fallen for Beau. They could have gone their separate ways, living their separate lives as nothing more than friends. As miserable as that sounded, at least he would be alive and content. That was better than dead and miserable.

Your fault

Beau's hand shakily reached for his pocket knife. He wasn't sure what he was doing or why he was doing it. But he knew that he needed relief. He needed something else to hurt more than the pain of losing Lukas. So without a second thought, he dug the blade into his wrist until he felt his skin break.

Another loud sob escaped Beau's lips as he watched the scarlet blood drip down his skin and onto his bedsheets. There was a sharp stinging and the walls suddenly seemed to hug him too tightly. The air felt too shallow and the world seemed to spin too fast. The fear of his surroundings and of what he had done somehow pushed aside his grief for Lukas, overwhelming his body. So he did it again.

Hey, Sunshine

And again.

Beau, I love you

And again.

Smile for me?

And again.

I love that pretty smile...

And then he screamed. He collapsed onto his pillow, smearing the blood of his wrists across the sheets and pillow-case. He screamed because no matter what he did, Lukas's voice was always haunting him. Everywhere he looked held a memory of Lukas. He couldn't even close his eyes without seeing him.

Every store in town, Lukas. Church, Lukas. The river, Lukas. His barn, Lukas. His bedroom, Lukas. His own reflection, Lukas. Everywhere he turned Lukas was staring at him with those piercing blue eyes. Everywhere he turned he was being taunted by the one person he wanted but could never have. He was back to where he had been only a few weeks ago. In love with a boy who could never love him back. Only this time, there was no hope.

He wanted to die. He wanted to be done. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to drive the same knife he had cut himself with into his heart and fall to his knees. To bleed out on the floor and go to whatever was waiting for him and only pray that Lukas was there.

But then he thought of his mother. He thought of her finding her son laying on the wooden floor drenched in blood. Lifeless and forgotten to the world. And just picturing her face broke his heart... So he couldn't do it.

He must have fallen asleep because his door opened startling him awake. Beau's eyes locked onto his mother. Her face was clean of any makeup and equally as tear-stained as Beau's. Her hair was untamed and she hadn't even bothered changing out of her clothes from yesterday. But still, she held a plate with Beau's lunch on it. Even when she couldn't take care of herself her children always came first.

"Hey" She whispered.

"Hi" Beau's voice was strained and came out more like a croak. Shelby sighed and walked across the room. She took a seat next to her son and opened her mouth to say something when she noticed the blood smeared across his bed.

"What is that?" She asked. Beau only shrugged and buried his face back into the pillow. He didn't have the energy to talk anymore. And he definitely didn't have the energy to discuss his mental health. Shelby's hand darted for Beau's wrists and quickly flipped them over. "Beau-"

"I'm okay" Beau whispered. "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay" He repeated. "Just leave me alone"

"Beau... Baby no. Please not you too... Lukas wouldn't want this" Shelby whispered as she stroked her son's hair out of his eyes. Even his mother's affection reminded him of Lukas. And that simple gesture broke him.