"Can I- can I come in?"
"Oh, right!" He was shaking. I had definitely startled him, but I was pretty sure that him kissing me meant it was good. That kiss. I had kissed him plenty of times on stage, but this one was beyond that. The passion and love that he had put into it had given me hope. Reminded me exactly how much I really loved and missed him.
I quickly stepped inside, slamming the door behind me. I threw myself against the wall, and he followed suit. I found my fingers tangled in his hair, and his on my hips. I hadn't felt this happy as I was just then.
"James?" I spoke, gasping for air. "I mean, we both know what we need, but we should probably, you know, talk for a bit before jumping right in, just to make sure." I regretted saying anything as his hands left me.
"So, three years. Damn it, Dee, it's been torture. I had to leave you to go back to a woman that I wasn't sure I loved anymore, and then the divorce happens, and I was completely sure you'd moved on, but you haven't..."
"James, you were free to call me, you know that..."
"She would've known it was you. It just would've made it all even harder. But Dee, why did you come back?"
Because I've been waiting for you? No, that makes me sound like a creep. I took a deep breath, hoping what I wanted to say would come out right.
"I don't think I ever stopped loving you. I always shoved it aside when you were married because I really didn't want to ruin a marriage but, I don't know, I felt like you should know the truth?" He still looked like he wanted more of an answer. "I had forgotten how much I needed you, but when I heard about the divorce, I was reminded..."
"That you love me." He finished quietly. "Idina, part of the reason this divorce even happened was because I simply never felt the same way with her as I always did with you."
"Oh James..." I immediately cuddled up closer to him. "So with your son, Oliver, did you-"
"I lost custody. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it. It kills me to not be able to be with him."
"I'd feel that way if I lost Walker. Where did she move to?"
"I think she went to Florida, or Alabama. Somewhere like that. And I don't know when I'll ever see him again and..."
He was rambling. "Hey, shhh...James, you will see him again soon. I promise you." I planted a soft kiss on his cheek. He still smelled like his old cologne. I couldn't recall the name, but the smell reminded me only of a dark cinnamon. I always have loved that smell. Or maybe I had just grown accustomed to it, after smelling it every night. But now that I'm back, and this time I'm in his arms, it is no longer any kind of overpowering. It smells like a breath of home.
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I don't know how long we just sat in silence, enjoying the warmth of each other's arms. Eventually, one of our stomachs growled. It might have been mine, but I didn't want to leave him. James heard though.
"You could've told me you were hungry!"
"I didn't want to spoil the moment!"
"Wouldn't me making you a nice dinner be just as nice though?"
"Only if you hold me while you cook!" I giggled.
"But if I do that, your food won't taste good, and then you'll make me make you more"
"Fine." I grumbled, but I was really only half disappointed.
I made a short trip to his bathroom and returned to the mouthwatering smell of French toast cooking in the kitchen.
"You're making me breakfast at 7:30?"
"We can just say tomorrow's breakfast was really early." He smirked.
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"How long has it been?"
"Only a few minutes..."
I sat in James' living room blindfolded. I honestly had no damn clue what he was up to because, for the first time in his life, he made no sound as he moved. "James, I'm starving and that food smells amazing, so if you'd hurry it up, that would be great." I hear him snicker and although he can't see it, I roll my eyes.
"Alright. I think it's ready."
"Are you sure you don't need another twenty minutes?"
"It hasn't been twen-"
"Loosen up, I was joking!"
"Okay, fine, you can take the blindfold off." And I did. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. I hadn't imagined a wonderful smelling breakfast on the table in a room with no lighting but the dim flicker of two tall, scentless candles. I hadn't thought I would open my eyes to find orange juice in my wine glass, or James escorting me to my seat. But something was off. The centerpiece.
"Uhhhh...why is there a jar of pickles," I picked up the jar and looked at the expiration date "that expired two years ago in the middle of the table?" I couldn't help it. I burst out in laughter. And snorted. Very loudly.
"Well, as a single man, I usually don't keep flowers lying around."
"Really? I really thought you like to hold on to things like that!" I had never gotten treatment this good from any man, and we weren't even technically on a date. He was the only man I had ever known who would get up off the couch, make me breakfast at night, make a romantic table setting, and use pickles as a centerpiece. "Aren't you going to eat anything?"
"I figured at the rate you're scarfing what you already have down, you will probably want more." Gosh he was sweet.
"You don't understand, this may just be the best plate of French toast I have ever eaten. Seriously. If this French toast was a person, I would probably marry it."
And then it was silent, except for my chewing and the fork hitting my plate. It was a good silence.
"I just got a job, you know."
"And you left it to come to my apartment and make out with me?"
"Hey slow down I already told you why I came here and making out was not the reason." Okay, sure I hadn't said it, but it was part of the reason I had come to see him. "No, I got this great new job, it's this musical that's still in production and I mean, I'm the only one that's been cast so far. I hope it's not a shitty group."
Beeeepppp!! "Oh, I forgot," he grinned that beautiful smile at me once more,"I made some cookies to go with our breakfast for dinner, you know, just to make it a little weirder..."
I stood up and kissed him, but this time on the lips. "I really missed you so much."
"I missed you too, Dee. I don't know how I survived."
