Daddies Chose Me

2

"Pardon me, may I join you?" I jump startled and nod my head without looking up and continuing to read only having a few pages left of my book.
"What are you reading?" the man said. Finishing the last page I close the book and show him the title feeling a blush creep onto my cheeks as I show him the Dr. Seuss book. He smiles looking amused at my reddening face. "He is a good author. What's your name?" I dig into my backpack and grab my whiteboard. 'Alexis' I write showing him without meeting his eyes. "Nice to meet you, princess." I grabbed my bag while I wrote 'I'm not a princess' showing him while I stand from the table and start walking out of the library shoving the white board inside my backpack.

I didn't make it far not even out the door before the man caught up to me. "Do you have a ride?" He asked while looking out the windows in the door that are too high for my five foot height to see out of. Shaking my head at his question I made a walking motion with my fingers. Going to open the door I see why he asked. It's pouring outside I just shake my head and head out into the rain but it doesn't hit me. Confused I look up and see an umbrella above me.  "Take my umbrella so you don't catch a cold." Shaking my head at the stranger I back away into the rain and start my walk home.

I was home before too long but I was completely soaked. Mom was no where to be found. She must be at work again.  Stripping out of my wet clothes I put on some pajamas and got in bed putting on  Disney+. Scrolling through my continue watching list until I find my favorite series Phineas and Ferb. I binge watch the show for 10 episodes before shutting off the television and getting ready for bed. Once I lay down for the night to sleep it starts. The thoughts don't have an off switch. If they do I can never find it. I would scream my frustration to the world if I could. Instead the thoughts consume me. Fat. Fatty. Pig. Ugly. Freak. Worthless. Useless. Unlovable. Waste of space. Insignificant. Nothing. They continue over and over again in my head. I couldn't get them to stop for the longest time. I found a way now though but if I try it too soon they just get worse. So I let them run wild in my head until that's all that consumes me. Then I get out of bed and go to the bathroom underneath my sink in the bottom on my pads box sits the key to shut up my thoughts. I grabbed the box and dumped out the contents on the counter with a small clink. Grabbing the razor blade I push it into my wrist watching as the blood spills out silencing my mind. I stayed at the sink until the blood stopped coming out as fast. Then I washed my blade off before drying it and putting it back in the bottom of the box. Cleaning my wrist off next and applying liquid bandage. While that dries I put all the pads back in the box before putting it back under my sink. Climbing back into bed I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up to mom yelling again. "Alexis! School! Don't be late!" Groaning I got up showered before deciding what to wear. It'll be cold after school so I went with a white long sleeve shirt that had the Looney Tunes characters on it that was a little baggy and a pair of army green skinny jeans.  I grabbed some celery and a thing of peanut butter to go with a water. Before heading to the bus stop. The morning flew by at school.  The teachers must all be on their periods because they taught the entire lesson then gave a lot of homework. Chemistry gave us reading an entire section on nuclear chemistry and its history then answering the 10 questions at the end of the section as well as doing the 45 question chapter review. While calculus gave us a 20 problem assignment on long division of  polynomial equations then solving for x. To top off the morning English gave us a two page essay on connections between classic novels and fairytales. I spent my free periods and lunch in the school library working on the homework assignments.  I had finished the calculus assignment and the essay for English. I had only got the section for chemistry read and didn't have time to do any of the questions before it was time for economics and american government.  That gave me a study guide for homework which I completed in my last free period of the day.

Sending a text that said library to my mom I put my chemistry book in my backpack and started the walk there eating my forgotten lunch. Once at the library I sat in my favorite spot in the corner overlooking the library. Pulling my chemistry book out along with my notes and a few loose papers to answer the questions on and I set to work. It took me almost two full hours to answer all the questions and double check the math when needed before I was done. Packing up my stuff I didn't realize I had company as I let out a huff of breath happy to have finished sitting back in my seat with my eyes closed for a moment.