Hook-up and Regrets

part 2

(start of flashback)

9 ½ hours ago

The shower I took was a blur, and so was eating dinner by myself. I kind of wished I didn't say no to Bolin's invitation. But no way did I have any energy to socialize. The train was moving smoothly but fast, I could feel the risk of you falling over at any time. I never trusted myself on this train, it has been about a year since I stepped on it, but still double-checking the room doors, and triple-checking the time on my watch. The stress was building upon everyone on this train, no matter how many warm showers you took, in the back of your mind there is something more important, do your job right. The last thing you want to do is piss of Kuvira. I've made that mistake a couple of times already...

To help clear my mind, the small balcony at the top of the train is always a good spot to rest. Few people know about it, but very few times have I gone up there, and it's just myself. But that's really all I need right now, alone time. I walk up towards the narrow staircase that leads to a short door, it's easy for me to duck, but for someone like Bolin to know about it, might be a struggle for him to even climb the stair. The door is a little rusty and hard to open despite Baatar's excellent engineering. But just as I expected I am not alone. 

Its Kuvira, I mean great untier, leaning against the also rusty railings of the small balcony, she turns her head to face me.

"I'll leave." I stammer. "It's not a problem-"

"No." Her voice is cold as it always has been. "Stay, I don't understand why I scare people off. I even scare you..." She looks down and rubs her chin.

I stand at my distance but I wouldn't want her to see my discomfort, so I try my best to relax. "Well," I start, regretting what might come out of my mouth next. "Everyone on this train knows that you are their superior. And wouldn't want to say something that might make them lose their jobs."I let out a small shrug, trying to smooth out the aggression in my voice.

She lets out a small grumble. "I suppose. But someone like you, I've known you for years before this, I don't understand your discomfort around me the past year."

I think about dance, I think about metal bending practice. Those sweet memories almost make me smile. But she changed, so much and I hate it.

I think about her shouting at me, I think about her guilting and manipulating me onto this train. I think about the threats she said to me when I wanted to quit. It doesn't matter if we 'friends' before, she treats me as if I am a child as if I am someone she needs to control all the time. She constantly insists that we are friends, almost she has some kind of selective memory to forget all the bad stuff she has said to me. But those bad memories took over the good ones in my head.

"Is it because we left Zaofu on a bad note?" She asks, refusing to make eye contact with me, just stairs at the moving train tracks. I don't want to make conversation, I want to sit in silence, but since when do I get my way around Kuvira? Never. 

(end of flashback)

I take the precious time to put my underwear on while she puts her own undergarments on too. I don't answer her last question, what does she expect me to say? Probably something like Yes great untier! Or Oh great uniter, last night was the best night ever. But no my mind doesn't change quickly, I'm angry at her for last night, I was gullible, I let her touch me, I let her kiss me, I let her control me.

She's silent and waiting for me to say the next word, but I really don't want to. I've always considered myself a 'loyal' person, but I just cheated on my boyfriend. The one I've been trying too hard to keep a relationship with, but it all snapped last night. Even worse it was my boss. I don't think I can live with myself knowing I cheated, but I guess I have to call it off with him later today, It would be my first time calling him all week. He doesn't bother keeping in touch with me either, one might call that 'relationship problems', but that isn't the first of my problems. Getting out of here is. 

(start of flashback)

9 ½ hours ago

"You could say that." That is all I answer, vague, but she could hear the annoyance in my voice.

"That doesn't sound very promising." She mumbled, then turned her whole body to look me straight in the eyes. "I don't want that kind of relationship. How about what we had before?"

Not looking her in the eyes would seem cowardly, if this is some kind of test, I definitely failed it with the next words coming out of my mouth. "You've changed," I pause. "Great uniter. I can't act the same around you as I would two years ago."

She gives me one of those disappointed sighs that she always gave me since I met her. She's changed so much, but at the same time not at all.

"How do I change that," She said with a blank face. "I don't want a relationship where you fear me."

How cocky of her to think I fear her, all this great uniter fame is getting to her head. She's always been somewhat proud, but it's like she doesn't know me. Right, we haven't talked sincerely in a year.

"You're my boss Kuvira. A relationship like this is normal-"

"No," She interrupts me. If the roles were reversed I would have been hit or something. "It's not normal, we have... history y/n. I know you and your secrets and you know mine."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Ku-Great Uniter. This is permanent." I stutter on my words, I can feel the blood rush towards my head when she moves closer to me.

She has always been taller than me, and I didn't like that. I always dreamed of being tall, tall equals intimidating, so why wouldn't I want to be. She's inches away from me, standing tall, her hand goes close to mine on the rusty railings.

My breath hitches and I stand tall to look her in the eyes. I have to tilt my head up of course, but I still lean on the railings. Her body is intimidating and makes me tense, almost shaking I say, "I need to go-"

I turn to look away from her, she puts her hand on my waist stopping me from moving any farther away from her.

"I'm not done talking to you yet y/n." Her mouth is incredibly close to my ear, her lips skimming it when she talks, I can feel her hot breath against my skin.

I stop breathing. "What are you doing?" I mutter quietly, forgetting how much power she has over me, forgetting that at any point I piss her off she could easily lock me up.

"Come to room 105, in an hour." Her hand is still on my waist and she hasn't moved. "If you fail to be there when I instructed, you know what consequences could be."

(end of flashback)

"I'll be out of here soon," I say finally, after minutes of silence, my head still pounds, trying to recall every little detail of last night.

"See," She says dressed in her white tank top and underwear. "Did I not convince you to stop acting like this around me."

"Act like what," I ask through my gritted teeth.

"Stiff," She ponders. "uncomfortable."

"Of course I'm uncomfortable!" Rage fills me through, as much as I want to keep my composure, she's pushing it. "I slept with my boss, I was manipulated to do so." I squeeze my fist together and spot my other clothes.

"Manipulated! I didn't manipulate you y/n you did it willingly." She doesn't turn to look at me.

"I can't do this right now Kuvira." I grab my shirt pull it over and leave, screw train dress codes, I can't think straight. Kuvira doesn't bother to make me stay or anything, I know she doesn't want me to anyway.

Leaving only gives me more stress, some train members look at me with wide eyes, understanding what happened between us. I hiss at them.