Our Only Hope

Memories

Images start to pass through your mind. Training as a youngling, hearing about the war starting. Seeing all the Jedi change in small ways, becoming battle hardened and weary. Getting chosen by Obi-Wan for a padawan. Even though there was a war going on, becoming close to your master, learning so much about how to be a good Jedi and a good person. Meeting Anakin and Ahsoka and seeing them as friends, and eventually like older siblings. Growing more confident in your abilities and feeling useful as the Jedi try to end the war.

Then other memories come. The endless battles, seeing clones fall and die every day while trying to learn to be unattached. Ryloth, the second battle of Geonosis, Mandalore, the Citadel and many more. Becoming a slave while trying to rescue Ahsoka's people, the time that Master Kenobi faked his death from even you, watching Obi-Wan go off and face Maul again, and him not being the same again after the Duchess died in front of him. Ahsoka being accused of treason and leaving the Jedi Order. Watching the war stretch even the best Jedi. Finally being able to see Ahsoka again, and then...Grevious. Order 66. Mustafar. After that, a jumbled mess. Not being able to remember where Obi-Wan went, even though you knew were in the room with him and Yoda discussing it. You clinging to him, and him letting you go, saying there was something greater at stake, and that you would only make it without him. The pain of having to bury the memories, having to see your life ripped apart, and not make you sure of anyone ever again. More memories of pain flashed before your eyes until you couldn't handle it anymore and began to sob.

You woke up gasping. Where were you? All the memories that filled your head were from the war, what had happened? You climbed down from your bunk dazed.

Cal was meditating, but as soon as he felt you wake up, he came out of his meditation and went over to you quickly. "How are you feeling?" He asked concerned.

"What, where, what's going on?" You asked confused.

"We're on the Mantis, remember. We're heading to Zeffo," he said in a low voice. As your breathing grew calmer, you remembered where you were. You stood still as you recalled the pain.

"Did I wake you?" You asked.

"Well, sort of," Cal admitted, running his hand through his hair. "Not your actions, but your energy, you...projected it. I could feel your pain while sleeping, so I decided to meditate since I tried to wake you, but you were trapped."

"I...didn't tell you everything last night," you said. "I didn't really want to tell Cere everything, but you...I can tell you."

"No you really shouldn't," Cal said. You were annoyed at him, before he was upset you were shutting him out, now what?

"I need to move on," you insisted.

"Not right now. First of all, I want to tell you what happened to me as well, I want us to be on even footing. And second, you are in no condition," he said sternly.

"No condition?" I said.

"Y/N, I can feel your energy flickering. I've never felt anything like it. The force is almost acting up in you. You are physically shaking right now. You can't handle any more," Cal said gently.

You looked down as you realized he was right. You had had five years to handle this, and you still hadn't gotten over it. That's why Master Kenobi must have left you, he probably saw that you couldn't handle it. Your breathing started picking up as you realized you hadn't been a good Jedi, and you started hyperventilating. Your thoughts stopped spinning as you suddenly felt a strong pair of arms wrap you up and hold you tightly, stopping you from falling.

"Is this okay?" Cal asked uncertainly. "I didn't know what to do." He mumbled.

You just nodded into his chest, following his breathing pattern to slow your heart rate. Cal smelled like steel, rain, and there was something else, something unique to him. You calmed down as you anchored yourself to this moment instead of your past.

"You should probably try to go back to sleep," Cal said softly after a few minutes. "We're going to have a long day tomorrow, and I need you there with me." He slowly removed his arms from you.

You knew he was right, but you were scared of facing your nightmares again. You couldn't even meditate because of the images. You felt so alone facing them. Cal sat on the edge of his bed and looked at you as if he could see right through you, what you were thinking. He finally sighed slowly. "Come here," he said. You moved towards him uncertainly, and he laid down, scooting back and patting the bed.

You laid down slowly, not sure what to expect. Cal pulled you towards him and spooned you, putting his arms around your waist gently, as if he expected you to break. You stiffened in surprise for a moment, and then relaxed into his touch. His arms were comforting and reminded you that you weren't alone. You had forgotten what it was like to be touched by anyone, and realized how long it had been since someone pulled you close. Even when you were a padawan, you didn't often get physical touch since attachments were forbidden. You felt Cal pull you closer and he whispered, "You need to take time to process your emotions and memories not bottle them up. The five years don't count since we were in hiding. I want you to move on, but I want you to be safe more."

You nodded, realizing he was right. Healing would come in time, you had seen that in your time in the Jedi Order. Cal started humming softly, and you could feel the vibrations of his chest against your head. You suddenly realized how tired you were. "Get some sleep," he said. A little apprehensive you nodded and succumbed to your need for rest.

You slowly came to, not knowing how long it had been. You felt really well rested and thought it had probably been several hours. You slowly lifted your head, still feeling Cal's arms around your waist. You slowly turned towards him, and saw he was still asleep. You smiled, realizing you actually hadn't seen him sleep deeply before. His face was so peaceful and a few strands of his red hair had fallen in front of his face. You watched as he slowly began to open his eyes, blinking sleepily.

"No nightmares," he said in wonder as he started to wake up more.

"Wait, me neither," you said, amazed. It had been so long since you had a regular night of sleep. Had that been because of Cal?

He smiled at you, and you felt happiness coming from him, and something else, but before you could figure out the other emotion, it was dampened. "We better get up, I think I can hear Cere and Greez arguing already. We probably are close to Zeffo," Cal said.

You rolled your eyes and chuckled as you heard it too, standing up from under the bunk bed, and getting ready for your day. Your eyes caught Cal's as he attached his lightsaber to his belt.

"Ready for an adventure?" He asked with a goofy smile.

"Ready," you said confidently.

Hey guys! I'm excited to keep this fic moving forward, but here's a bit of a short chapter with some fluff for right now. My school just went back into lockdown, so I'm hoping I have more time to write. Let me know what you think in the comments. I am trying to keep the content canon from the clone wars so I hope you enjoyed!