On the Eve of Dusk

Icecream in the Dark

He was already seated when I got to Biology, looking straight ahead. I sat down, expecting him to turn toward me. He showed no sign that he realized I was there. 

"Hey, Edward." I tried to grab his attention I so craved. I spoke in the most pleasant voice I could muster, I tried to convey that I would behave. He turned his head a fraction towards me and nodded. 

He knew.

 He knew I couldn't control him without looking into his eyes. I didn't know why I had to look into a person's eyes to control them, but I did know that I wanted his raw thoughts. I wanted him to tell me what he needed to under no glamour. I wanted him to want to tell me. I swallowed heavily, holding back my tears. 

"I'm sorry" I whispered, my voice wavered. I damned my emotions in my mind. Finally... I find someone like me. Someone different... and I had to ruin it by asking too many fucking questions.

And that was the last contact I'd had with Edward Cullen, though he was there. A foot away from me, every weekday.

 Even though Rosalie dropped by every day after school while Jacob taught me to drive to watch Alvin. 

Even though Emmett would throw paper balls at me and slide notes and jokes in English. 

Even though Alice greeted me every day in between classes, and texted me often to ask how I was doing, or warning me of the weather before school. 

Edward never spoke to me. I watched him sometimes, unable to stop myself- from a distance, though, in the cafeteria or parking lot. I watched as his golden eyes grew perceptively darker day by day. But in class, I gave no more notice that he existed than he showed toward me. I was miserable.

 And the dreams continued.

What's worse, on days I didn't have driving lessons, I barely saw Dahlia. She was almost never home anymore, always with Jacob. They were connected at the hip and insufferable to be around. He picked up on her mood as if he could smell it, and her every waking thought was about him. It was nauseating. I was happy for her. It would have been nice to have someone that lived for you in Forks.

 Someone that kept you from drowning in the sea of green, grey, and brown.

Mike, at least, was pleased by the obvious coolness between me and my lab partner. I could see he'd been worried that Edward's daring rescue might have impressed me and that he was relieved that it seemed to have the opposite effect. He grew more confident, sitting on the edge of my table to talk before biology started, ignoring Edward as completely as he ignored us. 

Mike was almost cute, in a way. He had a boyish face, his hair was blonde, styled in spikes. His eyes sparkled blue whenever he was near me, but I all but ignored his flirtations. Jessica badly wanted to date him, and it was painfully obvious.

The snow washed away for good after that one dangerously icy day. Mike was disappointed he'd never gotten to stage his snowball fight but was pleased that the beach trip would soon be possible. The rain continued heavily, though, and the weeks passed.

There was, of course, normal highschool drama during that time. A girl's choice dance that had the entire friend group in a tizzy. 

Eric wanted to go with Jessica, Jessica wanted to go with Mike, and, much to my chagrin, Mike wanted to go with me.

 It was stressful, having friends. I wondered while we sat at lunch if the school would let Dahlia bring Jacob. My thoughts were interrupted by my noticing that Jessica sat as far from Mike as possible as if she was angry with him. I leaned into her on the way to pick up another cola.