No Strings

Chapter 17

Friday night had rolled around yet again, you were about to clock out, knocking on Benson’s door jam as you entered, she was stuck on her phone, so you didn’t want to interrupt, waiting for her to hang up and address you before you spoke.

“Everything okay Sarge?” 

“Lucy’s come down with the flu.” She sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair.

“You have dinner with Raf tonight right?” You questioned, moving into the office, “Y’know, if you need someone to watch Noah I’m free.” 

“Are you sure?” Her eyes looked up to you, you’d hung out in groups and with Noah multiple times, the boy loved you, she just didn’t expect it.

“Of course! I mean, I don’t have plans tonight, you are stealing my boyfriend and all” You laughed softly, “Just make sure Raf brings me dessert when he picks me up.” 

“That would be *amazing* Y/N.”

***

You and Noah spent the evening having a blast, you made sure his homework was done, then you ordered pizza, playing multiple games on the Wii, joking around and having a good old time. Olivia and Rafael showed up while Noah was kicking your ass at a round of Mario Kart, you didn’t even try to lose as he crossed the finish line, you groaned over enthusiastically, tossing down the remote. 

“Well kid, you really did kick my butt tonight.” You ruffled his hair, “But I feel like you should probably go brush your teeth bub.” Noah leaned into you, giving you a quick hug and saying goodnight before he ran off into the apartment.

Olivia thanked you for sitting, which you tossed off, friends help friends, you grabbed your coat, throwing it on as you took Rafael’s hand, walking back to your apartment.

**

As the two of you retreated into your apartment, Rafael was hesitant, and you noticed that something was off as you tossed your coat over the back of the couch.

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet. Got anything to say?”

“You’re really good with Noah…” You smiled gently. Rafael took a deep sigh, he loved you more than he could even imagine, and you’d never discussed something that could be a complete deal breaker, “Do…do you want kids?” 

“I’m leaning towards no.” You sighed, “It’s always been kinda up in the air, whoever I end up with. I’m okay with  never having kids, the idea honestly kinda disturbs me, the whole, something growing inside of you and then having to push it out of you?! No thank you! When I was younger I was all about adoption, I figured why bring more people into this world when there’s so many people that need healthy homes. But…once I got into this job….it just doesn’t seem right, how can I walk out the door every single day not knowing if I’m gonna come back to who I left or not. I would HATE leaving a family behind it something happened on the force.”  Your voice was incredibly soft as you trailed off,

Rafael paused, taking in everything you had said, the last fact hit hard, but it was completely true, not to mention he was terrified of being the same man his father was. You looked up at him expectantly, 

“Hermosa,” He began, and then stuttered,

“Raf,” You smiled gently, “Do you want kids?” He sighed heavily, dropping his head, knowing how much time work took up.

“Honestly…no…”He glanced up at you, expected your face to fall, you simply smiled at him, reassuring him. “Are you sure you’re okay with that? My father, he wasn’t exactly positive, and with sex crimes, we see so much damage every day, I just don’t know if I could ever bring a child into that world.” He paused slightly, “And like you said, babies…something about them is just too much.” 

“So we agree?” You lips curled into a smile, leaning forward to kiss him.

“Yes, we are in agreement detective.” He kissed you back gently, pulling your body against him.