My Brain and Other Things I Don't Understand

One

Alex

I can't deal with people right now. In fact, I don't even know if I can deal with anyone.

This was supposed to be my freshman year of high school, a year where I would thoroughly breeze through these crowded halls like a ghost, invisible to the naked eye. Weirdly, I think I must've done something to catch someone's attention.

Her attention.

Her hair was like fire, burning bright as the sun and her pale skin was freckled all over, especially around her thin nose as she breezed through every, single class I have. Her lips were plump and always have a cherry red tint to them, her cheeks blushing the same color. She was unusual. Unique. And every time she enters, everyone looks.

I was the first to be seated inside homeroom on our first day, not out of excitement for the new school year but for the dread building up inside me, fearing that if I enter late, people would have to look at me. Next came in the girl.

I didn't need to look up to notice how she took the seat on the other side of the classroom, in the second corner row around the door . I just heard the clatter of footsteps and a thin silhouette enter and be seated. I, on the other hand, was on the other side, in the farthest corner of the room, right around the edge that somehow, was always dark. And I liked it there. I liked the solitude.

It was not too soon before people started filing in with their sun-kissed skin, joyful laughs and arms clinging to each other as they entered. Slowly, people filled the room with joyful chatter, each and every one of them asking how the other's summer went, when they got their braces off, and even what store they bought their clothes from.

I truly cannot understand why people bother with these things. Conversation, I mean. I was honestly never good at it.

I was thankful I was early enough to enter the room first before anyone else because that meant less staring. I don't like being the center of attention. It makes me feel weird.

Once the bell rang and everyone got into their seats, I let my gazing eyes stroll off into oblivion, looking out at the vast sea of people I was going to have class with for the rest of the year. Weirdly, someone stood out pretty much the whole time she was there. It was unusual for me to even grow curious because of someone's presence but there was something about her that makes me want to do something I never thought I'd do.

And that was to talk.

I never talk to people I barely know. Even in group chats for projects, I was always that person who just reads the rest of the conversation and simply does what I was assigned to do without anyone asking me if I was done or if I even need help.

That girl seemed to be focused on something she has on her desk, her big, green eyes spoke for her quite plainly. For the rest of the first day orientation, I didn't know why but I was sure I caught myself occasionally glancing her way every once in a while.

She was different.

And I was scared to figure out why.

Homeroom ended in a flash and I slowly shoved my things inside my dusty, old, gray backpack. I never had quite the money to get myself better things but I was used to it at this point.

 I let the people out first before I let myself out as well because of the crowds but the girl earlier stayed behind too. I shot her a quick look without being too obvious as I slowed down my pacing and as soon as I stood up with by bag swung over my thin, bony shoulder, it was just then that I noticed she had a metal walker folded beside her desk.

I looked at her for a long time, then at her walker that was clad with stickers of almost every color of the rainbow, unaware that I might actually be staring.

Surprisingly, she shot her fiery head at me, her eyes linked with mine. Her eyes were big and bright, filled with curiosity. Her fiery, ginger hair was thick as it cascaded down up until her shoulders and her expression was kind. It was not judging. Even more surprising, she smiled.

At me.

I was thrown off at her sudden reaction, I stepped back a little and stood near the door before I exit the room and stupidly crashed against the teacher's table with a bump. I gripped the edges of the wooden table with my hands as I got myself together, red from embarrassment.

The girl chuckled lightly and weirdly, I found it light to my ears.

"It's not everyday you see someone your age with a walker, don't you?" she said, her smile slowly evolving into a slight smirk as she unfolded her walker and gripped them, helping her stand up. The stickers stuck on them were glinting with iridescent colors, holographic ones, and even glitter. They were actually not that big nor small, just plain shiny.

Looking back at her, she had a slight British accent as she spoke, her voice smooth and crisp. It was soothing, actually. Still,

I didn't know what to say.

People don't normally talk to me. I was half-white, the other half being Korean, and the school I attend is predominantly white. Us bipocs are a rarity here, and it sucks being one of the few mixed Asian kids with no one else to talk their heritage to. 

Well, it would honestly suck to be her, to think of it. Being fifteen with a walker really was weird for someone my age. I never met anyone like her.

"So, when are you planning to get out of this dump? Soon I guess?" she asked with her head cocked to the side as she eyed me head to toe with that playful smile on her face.

Noticing that at this point, I still didn't know how to act around someone like her, she simply sighed and smirked a little. I just walked slowly toward her and the door and stood a good distance away from her.

"Not much of a talker, aren't you? It's fine. I understand. I guess I'll need to get going, then. You should too. What's your next class?" she asked as soon as I backed up a little so she could be the first one of us to leave the classroom and I followed her out, still keeping my distance.

"Algebra." I muttered. My voice was odd-sounding. Even to me.

The girl immediately brightened up, raising her thin, ginger eyebrows at me with that infectious grin plastered across her face.

"That's mine too. Want to go together? I'm guessing you would use the little spare time for locker runs to sit ahead in class. I do that too." she said.

For a second, I surprised myself. I smiled a little back at her.

I didn't know why she continued talking to me but she did. And I didn't hate her in an instant. The feeling was neutral. It was fine and somehow, calmed me. It was the same way I had always felt whenever I was at home with my mom and siblings. 

Somehow, she brings me a sense of comfort. That I'm not alone.

And with that, the girl and I went to Algebra together.

"Okay." I finally answered.