Dear A,
I saw you with her today. And even though I promised to stay away, seeing both of you made me doubt everything we had. Was it even real?
Because to me, it was. To me, our love was like fireworks, unexpected, shocking, but also beautiful. Something indescribable.
But then I saw how you treated her. How you weren't afraid to touch her in public. How you proudly proclaimed your love for her, posting up sweet words and quotes on your Instagram.
I never got that. We were always lurking in the shadows, for you feared that others would find out about our relationship. No one knew about your feelings towards me, which led to some nasty incidents with the group of girls who pined over you.
What made her so different from me? Is she a better girlfriend? I had tried to be. Is she prettier? I had only always put on my best for you. Is she wittier, smarter than me? It seems like everything we had was washed away, gone.
I force myself to put on a smile, going with the act that I'm completely over you. There are just too many eyes around me, looking for signs of our past love in my eyes, looking for something to gossip with her about. Something that will start the whole drama again.
I want to hate her but I can't. Because she reminds me of me. Her strength, her determination, her intelligence. all without my mistakes.
Some days I'm fine, I'm dealing with your absence well enough. Other days, the demons attack me with such force that I can barely get out of bed, because I just can't stop crying about you leaving.
I have to suppress the urge to run to you and yell "Remember me? I once meant everything to you."
Love,
S
