A Sun and Star [dreamnotfound]

Coalescence

I lay with my eyes closed, willing sleep to take over but it was to no avail. Understandably so, since I had been sleeping almost fourteen hours every day. 

After a few minutes, I heard a faint ding from my phone. I reached for it and saw Tommy had replied to my tweet.

"Hope you're doing well man. Take a break, you deserve it."

Behind the character Tommy showed on his streams of being this raucous teenager, he was actually a really caring guy and was surprisingly mature for his age. I smiled faintly and headed over to Instagram. I couldn't believe what I was about to do. I went to my DMs tab, typed in a message, and sent it.

- Hey

- Heyyyyy Big D!!!

I smacked my face with my hand. I can't believe I had just messaged TommyInnit.

- What's up bruv

- thanks for the twitter reply

- ofc man, no problem i meant it

- actually, there's been a lot happening

- want to talk about it 

- yeah, is that okay

- of course dude how come you're not talking to George about this

- because it's about him

- oh

I then proceeded to give him a condensed version of the events. He let me explain without interrupting which I was thankful for. Just talking about George got my hands shaking. By the end of it, he took a while to reply, presumably forming his thoughts.

- so that's why George looks depressed

- does he really look that bad?

- yeah, here I'll send you a pic

Before I could say I didn't want it, he had sent a screenshot of one of George's streams. I couldn't help myself and opened the image. Tommy and Twitter were right. There were bags and dark circles under his eyes. His skin looked paler, even his usual pink cheeks had lost their colour. He looked... tired. 

- do you think that means he feels as bad as I do?

- that's not for me to say, but I will say one thing

- yh?

-pull yourself together man

I was taken aback. Why did he suddenly say that?

- what

The typing symbol appeared for a while. I stared at the dots intently, waiting for his reply. He finally finished his message.

- you need to move on. If George really ended things with you, that means he wasn't the right one for you. You will find the right one someday but you need to accept it if he isn't that one. Look at yourself. Are you even eating? Are you taking proper care of yourself? If not then get your shit together because this isn't worth you harming yourself over.

I stared at the message for a while, unsure of how to reply. Without realising it, I felt my eyes turn wet. He was right. I had been a burden on my family and friends by letting myself waste away. Although I still hadn't fully accepted it, I needed to heal, I needed to understand that George and I were truly over.

- thanks tommy

- anytime. You tell me if you need anything, yeah?

- yeah

I shut my phone off for good this time and slowly pushed myself off the bed. My whole body was sore from staying in one position the whole time. I headed to the bathroom and turned on the shower. As the water heated up, I undressed. I looked at myself in the mirror and gasped. I looked worse than George, I looked dead. I had lost weight, my usual muscled form now turning almost skinny. God, how had I not realized how bad this had gotten.