All Along

Realization

Bad lurched forward, sitting up frantically to instantly see his pale, poorly decorated bedroom wall. He felt his pulse send electrifying waves vociferously throughout his body, each beat getting stronger than the last. His breathing was so fast he thought he was hyperventilating from shock alone. Sweat stuck to his hair, his arms, feet, legs, his everything. Bad could feel shame painting his face all over like its own personal canvas. What was wrong with him? Seriously, what was wrong with him? He had just had a dream — a fantasy even — with someone he considered a friend. Though he knew he should be ashamed, there were still remnants of longing tugging at his frail heartstrings. Something radiating him wanted to go back, to see him again, to feel him again. Never had he been this conflicted about anything or anyone. It scared him. This was unlike anything he had ever felt before.

He covered his face with his hands, defeated, drowning in his own guilt. The image of Quackity's smile seared it's way back into his brain, permanently marking a spot in Bad's memory. All he could remember was the way he had felt so safe in his arms, how he had felt Quackity's presence so close to his. Somewhere inside him, a cage opened, letting out an untamed beast that had been dormant. This isn't right, I shouldn't be feeling this, he thought insistently. But no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he was beaten down by a strong craving and fear of what he was becoming.

-

As the day continued, Bad desperately tried to go on as if nothing ever happened. If he never acknowledged it, it never happened right? Or at least, that's what he believed. Any stream he went on, any Discord call he joined, he ignored the constant nagging of his brain that whispered on and on about his vile yearning.

Around three o'clock, Bad was sitting in a Discord call with his friend Omarmu. They were working on fixing several issues that the MunchyMC server had been trying to get rid of for the past few weeks. Bad had been mustering up as much willpower as he could to settle down his racing mind, but his attempts failed. No matter what he did, the dream stuck to his brain as if it were slathered in Gorilla glue.

"Bad, what do you think?" It was ridiculous that one little dream had such a hold on him; after all, it was a fake scenario that his brain had made up, but why? Why did it affect him so much? And. . . why was it with Quackity of all people?

"—Bad did you hear me? Bad?" It's not like Bad hates Quackity or anything, but it's definitely not the person he would think to have a romantic dream about. They barely knew each other. Maybe it was because he was meeting up with him soon? They had talked to each other before he had gone to bed, but Karl was there as well and Karl hadn't been in the dream.

"Bad!" Bad jumped, Omarmu's voice instantly shoving him out of his train of thought. How long had he been saying his name?

Bad fumbled to respond, "Oh! Crap sorry— what'd you say?"

Omarmu paused for a moment, "Bad, are you okay? You've been zoning out a lot today." Had he? Bad hadn't noticed.

Bad fidgeted with his hands, playing with them in his lap, "Yea— yeah I'm okay. Just a bit on my mind lately." That was an understatement. He had a lot on his mind, but it should be his problem to deal with. The thoughts would go away on their own eventually. They were just irrational. They had to be because. . . what would he do if they weren't?

"Do. . . do you want to talk about it? I'm here for you y'know," Omarmu comforted.

Bad tightened his grip on his mouse. He wanted to. He really, really wanted to, but was it a good idea? Bad knew if he didn't tell someone, this would eat him alive by the end of the day. He took a deep breath. All he had to do was be vague. "Last night. . . " he started, trying to figure out how to start the story, "I had a dream about someone, someone who I consider a good friend. But it was a different kind of dream. . ." Bad trailed off. He felt his nerves pinching his insides, he wasn't the kind of person to share things like this, especially about feelings that were so new to him.