No More

Red is not my friend

Family is by choice. Friends stand by your side. Loving yourself is possible. Think about it like this, you love other people or you at least care about someone. If you can do that then think of your inner person as someone you love the same way. As soon as you love that little voice inside, then your essentially loving yourself. This book is miscellaneous it includes stories about getting through depression, inspirational quotes, facts, and self help books I recommend.  

If anyone ever needs to talk please, please reach out. If you're not sure how to start just PM me 

Red is not my friend

You are all Queens and Kings, and not a damn thing can stop you in life do you understand me? You are brave. You are strong. You can do this. You can get through this. 

I know what you're going through, but I don't know what you're going through. I say this because I myself have struggled with being sad, but each fight is different. Sadness is not a one meal course served to everyone at Aunt Tanya's wedding okay? It's a fucking buffett, except that suddenly there's a mean lunch lady who's forcing you to eat stupid shit and make you believe that you are what you eat.  

Bullshit. BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. 

I'm calling it, it's bull. You are who you make yourself. 

In the summer of eighth grade I was having a hard time, that hard time went all summer and then into the beginning of ninth grade. I had no motivation to do anything, so I didn't really learn anything from school. 

Halfway through the school year I had this "THIS IS SHIT" moment. I had just gone through about a year and a half of being sad and I was fed up. I stopped listening to sad music, one of the many toxic things to clean out. It was hard. I'm going to be honest, but it was the best way to pull a sort of tolerance up. 

Spotify just about every week was like "hey remember when you would play this song again and again" I had to shove it away and not click on it. Being depressed is like being addicted to a bad drug when you're trying to get off of it. Some times you really want it gone and then sometimes you've been existing with that pain so long that it doesn't really bother you anymore. 

So my advice to you is that if you are sad and you do listen to sad music please just stop listening to it. It's not the only step, and not the hardest but getting better is like art. At first everything looks like shit and then suddenly the background has changed, the persons face becomes clear and the sky is just that much bluer. 

I purged my playlist, and when I say that I want you to know that I did not delete it. Now you're probably thinking okay well then why? 

My heart argued that maybe I would get sad again and that I would need it, my brain said okay you can have the playlist because it doesn't matter if the playlist is still there it matters whether or not your playing the songs. 

Pain will always be there, it's just up to you if you listen to it and let it control what you do.

I just recently deleted that playlist with a smile on my face knowing that sure, a little pain is still there but that pain makes me human and I am okay being who I am. 

Now this "I am so done" moment was not just "everything is all cleared up" and I tell you this not to stress you out, but because I want you to know the realism in getting better. 

The next step was both easier and harder. It was easier because I had a stepping stone.  I did something good, and now I could build off of that and do something good with what I was now building. The hard thing was that there wasn't anything to grab hold of in that dark hole. So instead of "feeling around blind" I sat still, and let myself think. Every thought I put in my head was as positive as I could make it. Which gave me an idea. 

 I went to all the journals I filled up with cruel, cruel things about myself and threw them away. I did. I just threw them away. It's all about taking the first step and then the second. My mom used to tell me when I was starting a new book. "Read the first two chapters and then if you still don't like it you don't have to read it" Same with this "Take the first two steps because it gave you something, but if you're not sure what comes next, don't want to know, or are not ready to find out then that's okay. Just don't throw away that progress. 

So now, the first two steps I've explained. Getting rid of sad music, and then getting rid of mean thoughts. Can you guess what's next? Yes, that's right, getting rid of toxic people. 

-Next chapter has more to come- 

If you took my advice please let me know here (if you feel comfortable)  be proud of what you've done because you just took to first step, I promise that in the end. The happiness you feel? The happiness that I've had the joy of feeling is SOOOO worth it. I promise 

👉👉

Suicide prevention number: 800-273-8255 YOU CAN CHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO CALL, JUST PLEASE PLEASE DON'T DO IT. I LOVE YOU.💖💖 AND I AM HERE FOR YOU!

Please, please, please feel free to PM me at any time if you need help. I will always have time for you, always.