Asterisk*

Impaler and Insurrection*

Out of it all, I was really terrified on how to handle everything with Aiden. I think he hates me. I can't blame him, really. I thought we'd be in such better terms right now, but every time I went to pick up the phone, I immediately put it down. I didn't really want to hear what he had to say because I know it could break me. I only was one push away from the edge. But if I didn't do something, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Truthfully, Aiden's slowly disappearing too. It just comes down to when the bottle gets the best of him, when that borderline drinking problem becomes full blown to an extent I don't know how to handle. So I sent him something stupid. To my surprise, he replied.

Do you hate me

Aiden: no

That's all I could say today. But honestly, it was a sigh of relief I allowed myself to breathe. That no could mean so many things, but right now, I was letting it be a hope that would get me to step away from the ledge I was standing on. I kept reminding myself that hate was such a strong emotion, like all of your elementary school teachers like to say. That maybe he just disliked me, not hated me. Or something that's so close to hate, but just not quite there yet. Or maybe, just maybe, we could coexist in a world where there's no space for anyone other than those that have the favor of the serotonin in their brains. Can't say I have the favor of mine. I guess I'll just bow down to it and repeatedly call it 'sire' for any kind of hope.

"You gonna be alright?" My roommate asked, glancing at my very teary eyes that he probably got tired of seeing every day of the week. "I can stick around, help if you want. I have to say my folding skills aren't that good though."

"Thanks, but I got it," I replied, not really wanting anyone else going through my stuff. 

"If it helps, I saw Apollo the other day," he mentioned, then seeing my face tense up, furrowed his eyebrows. "That didn't help, did it? Shit. Sorry."

"It's all good," I reassured, trying to smile a little bit to make it more convincing. "I saw him too."

"You know you're pretty cool," my roommate told me, coming forward to shake my hand as I assume one does when they have no other way to greet a person, so they resort to their dad's old business tactics. "If you talked more, we could be friends, you know."

"Fuck, I don't even think I know your name," I exclaimed, kind of guilty. "Sorry. I promise it's nothing personal."

"It's been like five months," he laughed back, shaking his head slightly. "It's okay. I'm better with names than you. You're Marcus and I'm Collin."

"Cool," I smiled, giving him a high five back to affirm what seemed like some sort of friendship, then opened my drawers to start dumping some of my clothing in a suitcase.

It was nice, peacefully coexisting with someone and calling it a friendship, even when it wasn't truly so. That was the thing about college. You could be whoever. He didn't have to know what I was going through, and he didn't ask to. It was just me right now, me minus all the mental craziness that was driving everyone away. It was simple, something I didn't have to put in thought for. Despite all the problems that Aiden, Kadance, and I had, we were good at talking a whole lot over nothing. This wasn't a replacement by any means, but rather an extension, someone who could prove to me I was sane without ever knowing what he was doing.

"So you got any siblings?" Collin questioned, sitting down on his bed and checking his phone briefly.

"Yeah, why?"

"I don't know. Small talk," he shrugged, still looking down at his phone screen. "I can never understand what she means, holy shit."

"Who?"