Rhythm to My Chaos

Chapter 31

#NewClassicRTMC

Chapter 31
Ambassadress

I don't understand myself.

Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ba ang gusto ko. Hindi ko sigurado kung si Ike pa ba ang mayroong pagkukulang o kung ako talaga ang may problema.

Ike gave me all the assurance I wanted and needed from him, but I didn't know why I was still so scared to commit. My brain was telling me to protect and secure my heart as it wanted to break free and take risk.

I wanted so bad to give us a chance. I wanted to indulge myself and love him without inbitions. But every time I would try to jump right into it, those big, red warning signs would appear ahead. I would just get chickened out at the last minute.

After that day, Ike returned to his usual self after, but he still kept his new hobby to follow me around. He would watch my gigs or lounge with me in my house. He was like my personal bodyguard. Kung nasaan ako, nandoon din siya. And of course, being a natural gentleman, he is still sweet and caring. He's willing to do anything for me.

Within just three days, I was getting used to him around me again, like my day wouldn't be complete without spending time with him. Kaya naman noong matatapos na akong kumain ng tanghalian ay wala pa siya, hindi na ako mapakali.

He didn't text me that he'd be late. If he left to go somewhere, he didn't inform me where he would go. I couldn't help but long for him and be worried.

Ako lang naman ang pinupuntahan niya rito sa Palawan kaya hindi ko alam kung bakit wala pa siya. Wala rin akong kaalam-alam kung saan siya nagpunta. I even called Gian to ask if he saw Ike at the resort. Ang sabi niya ay hindi niya nakita ngunit wala ang sasakyan nito sa parking lot.

"Aba'y bakit hindi mo kaya tawagan kaysa nakasimangot ka riyan sa pag-aalala?"

Natigilan ako sa pagkain nang mag-angat ako ng tingin kay Auntie Divina. She came home to eat lunch with me. Babalik din siya sa resort pagkatapos kumain ng tanghalian.

"Po?" pagmamaang-maangan ko. "Sino po ang tatawagan ko?"

Nagsimula akong kumain ulit at umarteng hindi apektado. Nagtaas ng kilay sa akin si auntie. Halatang hindi siya naniniwala sa sinabi ko.

"Tayo pa ba ang maglolokohan, Aleena?" Auntie Divina snorted and laughed. "Ako ang nagpalaki sa 'yo. Kitang-kita kong hinahanap mo si Ike at nag-aalala ka sa kanya dahil wala pa siya rito."

Knowing that I wouldn't be able to deny my feelings to her, I just tightly pursed my lips and stayed silent.

"Kaya kung ako sa 'yo, bago ka pa mabaliw sa pag-aalala ay tawagan o itext mo na," payo niya habang umiiling-iling. "Hindi rin kita maintindihan. Kapag nandito naman siya, 'di mo rin masyadong pinapansin. Pero ngayong wala ay hinahanap mo. Ang gulo ninyo talagang mga bata kayo."

Auntie Divina didn't have to tell me that. I was also having a hard time trying to figure myself out. Hindi na ako nagtaka na pati siya ay nahihirapang intindihin ako.

Kaysa magkatotoo ngang mabaliw ako sa pag-iisip, pagkatapos kong maghugas ng aming pinagkainan ay nagpalit ako ng damit at saka nagtungo sa resort. I checked the parking lot to see if Gian was telling the truth. Nang makita kong nakaparada naman doon ang sasakyan ni Ike ay napakunot ang aking noo.

Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi habang mahigpit ang hawak sa cellphone na nasa loob ng aking bulsa.

Baka ayaw niya lang talaga pumunta ngayon. Puwede ring unti-unti na siyang sumusuko. Pero bakit sinabi sa akin ni Gian na wala ang sasakyan niya rito kanina?