13 Flames | gxg

54 - what are you waiting for?

"Why did you let her touch you?" I murmur.

Palmer tenses. "Because you won't."

My grip loosens on Palmer just enough for her to spin and face me. Her eyes are laced with lust and all I want it to melt my body into hers. But another expression stops me, a look of confusion and pain in the softness of her brown eyes. I glance at her lips, pink, full, beautiful and inviting.

Palmer grabs my hips and suddenly I'm pinned between her and the wall. "You only want me when someone else does," she whispers.

My hands find her waist and I try to step forward, but she forces me back. "That's not true."

Palmer leans into my ear. "Isn't it?" she whispers. Her lips find the soft spot beneath my ear. I can't help a quiet moan as her lips press to the spot, her tongue flicking against my skin. "Tell me you want me, Lexa."

"I want you."

Palmer steps back and brings her eyes to mine. She smirks. "You are such a bottom."

My mouth parts in offense. "I am not."

"Says the girl between my body and a wall."

"I put you there first!"

Palmer smiles and leans into my lips. "You're cute when you're pouting, I bet you'll look amazing when I fuck you senseless."

My breath hitches in my throat while my heart threatens to escape my chest. "Then what are you waiting for?"

Palmer's smile drops. "You. I'm waiting for you." After searching my eyes for a moment Palmer steps away from the wall, letting her hands fall from my body.

"What are you doing?"

Before Palmer can answer a loud thud sounds from the door, and then a rattling of the handle. "Hello! Is someone in there! You locked the door by mistake!"

Palmer sighs and moves for the door. I step in her path. "Answer me."

"I can kiss who I want. And you shouldn't be jealous," Palmer says with steel in her voice. "Not when you're fucking women in my apartment every week."

The anger replaces the ecstasy in my chest I felt just a moment ago. "I'm the one that should be angry, Palmer! I just walked in on you fucking some girl. Again. Do you even know her name?"

Palmer remains silent. I roll my eyes. "Of course you don't." I spin on my heel and shove her away from the door. I pull it open and walk past the confused woman on the other side.

Palmer follows me. "Lexa!"

I ignore her. The others see us coming and notice the anger in my expression. I walk past them and out the door to the parking lot. We're at a grocery store, for fuck's sake. And she still manages to find someone to fuck in the bathroom?

"Lexa!" Palmer finally catches up and grabs my shoulder, spinning me to face her. Her hand doesn't leave my arm so I push her away.

"Just stop, Palmer. Stop!"

Palmer steps away, giving me space. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed her."

"No, you shouldn't have!"

Palmer's saddened expression hardens. "Lexa, I'm allowed to kiss who I want. I'm allowed to sleep with who I want. And just because you expect me to wait forever for you doesn't mean I won't find someone else to be with!"

My heart stops beating in my chest. "You said you understood," I say quietly.

Palmer shakes her head. "I understand the reasoning. That doesn't make it hurt any fucking less."

"What do you expect me to do, Palmer?" My voice rises again.

"I don't know! But I can't wait for you forever, Lexa!" Palmer shouts back.

I run my hands through my hair. How the hell did this happen? Five minutes ago I thought I was finally going to have her. When I don't respond Palmer scoffs and walks off. "Where are you going?" I call after her.

"I'm spending the night at Alex's." She passes where he stands with Peyton, watching from a safe distance away. He shoots me a hopeless shrug as Palmer drags him to his car.

Peyton walks over to me. "I'm sorry, but he's my ride."

"Just go. It's fine."

She gives me an apologetic smile before following the others. I finish loading the groceries into my car and climb in. I turn the car on and music blasts through the stereo. I smash my fist into the button to turn it off and lean my head on the steering wheel.

"Fuck."

I don't know what to do. Palmer just doesn't get it. She has no idea how badly I want to be with her. But I'm so scared of ruining it as soon as anything happens. What if she realizes she doesn't care about me in the way she thinks? What if she hates the way I touch her? What if she leaves me?

I sit up and turn over the engine. Warm tears trickle down my cheeks as I drive. I don't know if I'm ready, but maybe I'll never know for sure. Maybe I need to take a leap of faith. And trust that Palmer will be there to catch me.

I get home and load all five grocery bags onto my arms with no one there to help me. And there's no way I'm taking two trips up to the seventh floor. I set the bags on the counter and overthink as I put everything away.

What if she doesn't come home in the morning? Tomorrow's Sunday. She'll be able to avoid me until work on Monday, if she wants to. But I don't want her to. I've missed her so much these past three weeks. I miss the way we would watch tv together, my body curled up against her side. I miss her gentle kisses on my forehead when I need a shoulder to cry on over James. I miss her smile. She hasn't given me a real smile in days.

And it doesn't help that she's made me horny as fuck.

I know she thinks I've forgotten about her. That I'd rather be spending my time with other women. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. Every single girl I've slept with, I've wished they were Palmer. I'm only doing it so when I finally get to have Palmer as my own, I'll actually know what to do and won't make a fool of myself.

But she doesn't get that. She thinks I'm trying to make her jealous or something. So whenever I have a girl over she finds someone to sleep with. Like, at an hour's notice, she'll be fucking someone else. At least she goes to their apartment instead of bringing them here.

Once I'm finished with the groceries I honestly don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about Palmer. Despite my better judgement, I take out my phone and text her.

Palmer <3

hey
are you ok?

not really
i am sorry, tho
for all of it

me too
can you come home so we can talk?

idk lex

there's something i need to tell you

i'm listening

just please come home

fine
alex is driving me crazy anyways
asking questions and shit

i'll see you soon

Satisfied, I put my phone down on the counter. I need to tell her. I need to tell her the truth. And maybe I'll be ready.