Always And Forever

chapter 5

TW: DEPRESSION AND SELF HARM

-----a week later------

I wanted everything to stop. Everything was exhausting to do. I isolated myself from everyone completely. 1 week of an eternity of never-ending pain. I was tired all the time and I didn't eat. Food made me feel sick. I didn't get out of my dorm. I just wanted to feel something. Anything. Sleeping was my only escape from reality where I felt everything stop until I had to wake up the next morning. I wanted to crawl into a small hole and stay there forever.

"Please Amara you have to eat please" Estella and Aurora pleaded.

"Can you guys just please leave I want to be alone" Aurora left but Estella stayed to tell me one the last thing

"You don't know how badly I want to help you, don't give up, it's not worth it, you have a whole life waiting ahead of you. I know it's hard and painful but you'll get through this. You are so loved by so many people Amara don't forget that" She cupped my cheek and rubbed her thumb across my soft skin.

"I and the others will be expecting you downstairs"

She kissed me on the cheek and left

I took the duvet off from my body and went into starfish position and just looked at my ceiling. I knew that I had to go shower and go down to the great hall. I couldn't miss any more days of class

I made my way to the shower to get ready. I left the bathroom and entered my dorm in a towel and picked out my clothes. Mom jeans and a black oversized tee shirt is fine. I always wore big shirts. I had a nice body but when you're getting cat-called it makes me feel like a slut for having one so I wore big stuff to cover myself. When I did wear tight clothes I always hoped I wouldn't get touched by some guys or cat-called, but I never had the luck I guess. I tied my hair back not having enough energy to do anything with it. I made my way downstairs to the great hall

I sat beside Aurora. Draco and Blaise being across from us.

"I'm glad you can make it Amara," she said with a sympathetic smile

"Mhm," I didn't have the energy to speak. I looked down looking at my empty plate because looking at all the food made me nauseous.

"Hey Amara are you going to eat"

It was Draco. Why did he care? He never cared for me before.

"No thanks I'm not hungry"

------------potions class----------

I put my hands on my head and then started rubbing my face aggressively. I was losing my mind I couldn't be here. Joseph walked in. I slammed my hands on the table and ran out of the classroom. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt disgusting. His hands touched me. Forced me into something I didn't want to do.

I ran to the bathroom, went into a stall, and pushed my back against the stall door. I pulled out a single edge razor blade and glided it against my arm. It didn't make me cry more, didn't make me wince, nothing. It felt good to know that at least I was causing my own pain.

It was a never-ending cycle.

I made my way back to my dorm. I didn't want to go to class

I cried, cried, and cried into my pillow

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello luvs how are you guys I just want to let you know that you aren't alone and that I'm always here if you want to talk

Don't forget to vote and comment
If any typos let me know so I can fix them!