ArShi FF: Fragmented Colors

Chapter 12: Her Letter, His Wounds

The dim light of the solitary lamp brightened the otherwise glum darkness of his room. He was sat here since an hour and a half, exhausted from the frustration, the pain, the anger from the past two weeks. He was tired from all the unanswered questions. Lifting his head from the confines of his weighed hands, he stares at what may finally be an answer. The envelope lay still on his desk, unopened. He almost feels afraid to reach for it, as if whatever it is inside has the power to diminish the little faith he is clutching onto so dearly. He remembers how Lavanya had come to him a few hours ago, handing him the brown envelope wordlessly, while her eyes conveyed much more. He immediately knew who it was from, and it ignited a world of anger more than anything else in him, a world of more questions.

He reaches out in a tentative motion, opening the envelope. The paper inside smells of a worn out fragrance of jasmine, and he curses, suddenly aching for the only person who's scent he recognizes. He opens the folds and before he can allow himself to read, touches his fingers across the words, her handwriting. Straightening and taking a deep breath, he starts to read.

Arnav,

You're probably wondering why I'm writing this letter. After all I've said and done, it's natural for you to wonder why. I don't have the courage to stand in front of you and look into your eyes for all I'm about to say, so I chose to pick up a pen and write it down instead.

I flew a few thousand miles and came here with a dream. A dream to be capable enough to provide for my parents like I want to. My plan was to come here to study, and once I accomplished that, to go back home. Home. It's where my family is, it's where my life is. Here in California, it was just a place I go to college, and Delhi, my home.

But then... I met you. You made me feel things I was too scared to feel, you made me see dreams I had never envisioned before. You made me fall for you. And so... I tried to do what I'd done all my life. Escape. I tried escaping the feelings, but I failed. I gave up on resisting and finally started living. I started believing those dreams. And in that process, I got to know you, I got to know your heart. For that, I am forever thankful.

But I soon realized that there are other kinds of dreams in life, ones that are probably of more importance.

Arnav, when I looked into your mother's eyes, all I saw was the strength of hope. And when I looked into your eyes the night you told me about your father's death, I saw a reflection of that same glimmer of hope through your tears. I realized the magnitude of the value your father has in your life; I felt every ounce of you determined to make him proud. It made me remember my parents who had made sacrifices all their life for their children, and how it is time for me to give back to them.

And so, I stepped away before it was too late, before it became impossible for me to turn away from you. You are needed here to build the company your father left you, and I am needed there to support my parents and be by them. We have different paths, Arnav. I want you to fulfill your duties, just like I hope you want me to fulfill mine.

When you said you loved me, I found it easier to shut you out instead of admitting how I felt. I thought if I could give you a reason to hate me, it would be easier for me to go. I didn't realize that the option that I thought was easy, would turn out to be so painfully difficult. I'm sorry, Arnav. I'm sorry for hurting you so much. I'm sorry for lying to you.

Because the truth is... I love you. I always have.

The past two weeks have taught me that running away solves nothing, especially when it's from someone you love. I can't stand to see you in pain. I should have told you all of this earlier. I hope you can forgive me...