Wish I Knew You Sooner

chapter fifteen

"Oh honey, you know how dad is." she giggled. I rolled my eyes, but had a smirk, knowing that my father definitely did say something silly of me. "Help me put away the food." she said, moving back to the kitchen. I followed behind her, opening the bags to begin to unload everything.

We started putting away the food in silence, before my mother broke it by talking.

"I worry about you Oakland." she said.

"Why?" was all I could come up with as a response.

"You haven't been seeming as happy lately, and it started after you met Harry." she claimed.

"Oh mom," I sighed. "It has nothing to do with him, you know how I can get sometimes."

"In your head." she whispered. I nodded, acknowledging that she was right. "I just don't want you to be sad or anything, it felt like you were getting better, sweety."

Guilt worked its way up my throat, the feeling of disappointment from my mother dancing around in my crammed brain.

"I'm going to go to Harry's for dinner, if that is okay." I told her while opening the fridge, trying to change the subject, so that we didn't have to dive too deep into a conversation that I wasn't ready to have.

"Yeah that's fine," she responded easily, realizing my uncomfortableness. "be careful, Oak. I really like him, but... just be careful." she told me. I nodded, knowing that she was referring to getting too close to Harry, not just being safe in general.

"Mmhm, me too." I confessed, even though I know I shouldn't. I bit my bottom lip, contemplating whether or not I should have said that, since I don't want her to get any ideas that Harry and I are anything with a title of any sorts.

"Alright," I said, once I was done with putting away everything. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Are you sure nothing happened?" my mother asked once more, worried in her voice again.

"Yeah mom, nothing happened." I responded while walking down the hallway.

I mean... not yet.

I made my way into my bedroom, turning on some random music to fill the silence. Breakaway by Lennon Stella began to play as I laid down on top of the white sheets of my bed. I looked at the ceiling as if I were waiting for a sign of some sort to appear, something to tell me whether or not I should continue with growing my feelings for Harry or to just take a step back.

What do I do? Should I explain to Harry about my past, or keep that locked away like I normally do? I am aware that I just met him, and I couldn't even bring myself to tell my parents about everything that dealt with Lucca, but for some reason, I have this weird connecting feeling to Harry. I felt comfortable enough to possibly let him in.

Is it too crazy of me to tell him in hopes of him not breaking my heart in return?

The music played, and I drifted into a dazed sleepy state, as I absorbed the lyrics.

"Hard to explain when you feel your world's on fire"

My world was on fire right now, and I was searching for water to put it out, but every time I thought something would work, it was only gasoline. I couldn't fully put how I felt into words, but the feeling of being able to put some sort of explanation into Harry's hands felt safe to me.

I nodded to myself, sitting up while coming to the conclusion that Harry should get a reasoning for my actions the past few days. I stood up, smirking at myself in the full length mirror, before moving into the bathroom to shower off the day.