My brain feels like it's rolling around. Yesterday, that experience, I can't just forget it. Who's hands were those? What made that one finger shine so brightly? My head won't even let me maintain my full attention on the only person I have by my side at the moment.
It's not like he needs my attention anyways. He has this white haired dude picking him up like he's his goddamn father. Then I find out he's staying with him for a few months? When people said the person you spend time with could disappear in just a few seconds I chuckled, I didn't believe it.
Unfortunately, it seems like everything I don't believe in catches me lacking and stabs me in the fucking back!
Earlier at Coffee 'N Out
I didn't know that lack of attention was a possible entry for sadness for some people. I never actually had that many friends to pay attention to, just my family and Komori. "Kiyoomi, the look on 'yer face concerns me, I'm worried about you. What's going on?" Even if I wanted to center my attention onto something I simply couldn't.
I shake my head but my eyes are still glued to the window, "I'm fine, really-" The only thing that made me jump was when Atsumu's hand rolled over mine. He deliberately took his hand back and rested it over his other hand. That little but quick action caught my eye and I instantaneously caught on. He was scared I'd get uncomfortable, I was making him hesitate- all this time I didn't notice the look on his face; that look of angst- anxiety.
"Don't pull that crap on me, Kiyoomi. Now tell me. What the hell is going on with you?" My heart flutters everytime he says my name. This made me wonder; wonder why it never happened when Komori or my mom said it.
My gaze aches for a few seconds, fixating onto his dimly lit honey stare. If I looked close enough I could spot a bunch of faint freckles cuddled up under each of his eyes. I wait and concentrate only on him, his aura, his eyes, everything about him. Anything and anyone around me was irrelevant. "..You wouldn't get it." Directly after my words his body sunk. "I don't wanna worry you!"
"Worry me?!" His entire face crinkled together in confusion. "You're already worrying me for god's sake!" He was right. That's when the door creaked open. The guy who stepped in was short and looked stupidly stiff so when Atsumu completely just dropped his bewildered expression and stared at him like he was a shooting star in a sky of constellations, I felt offended.
The man maneuvered over to us, straight posture and head up, what'd Atsumu find interesting about this guy? "Kita!- I thought you said you'd pick me up at eight!" However, the bartender knew him. Everything about Atsumu turned from down and glum to keen, eager and enthusiastic. The way he spoke to me was way off the grid from the way he spoke to this guy. Is this what being left out felt like; unwanted and uncomfortable?
Miya could've fell out of his chair from how hard he was leaning forward. It was like he moved on, thought I was too much of a burden and decided to move on. The unsatisfying outcome of all this made me want to throw up and run away. I slam some money on the table and hurry out.
I wanna scream, panic, yell out, cry- I'm so confused! "Sakusa, hey! Where are you-" The jingle of the door made me looked back. For a second there I didn't feel like vomiting or breaking down because I got out of that hellhole, but now the emotions are back. Ignoring everything and everyone I begin running across the street like a crazy person.
I won't stop running, not til I collapse or end up in my house.
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ok this was bad too, i feel like im losing grip of this story, like yk how the first chapters had that interest that made people wanna keep reading? whenever i start to write another chapter i just feel like its not there anymore.
