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The longer we remained in Harald's kingdom, the more an unsettling feeling grew within my stomach - a foreboding that reminded me of when I first travelled to this world. But this time, the feeling was not as though everything would be fine, it was not comforting in the slightest. This feeling felt as though it was ripping at my chest, screaming at me that something horrible was going to happen.
Every time I saw Ivar, the feeling subsided a little. But it was still there, unmistakably so. And I felt as if I was falling apart - silently and without a trace.
"Harald is going to help us in the attack against Kattegat, as long as he can take the throne once I'm dead. It's not as though I can even have children." Ivar's voice was like a distant sound on a summer's day, as my mind drifted away from the real world. No matter how much he enjoyed covering his emotions in layers of sarcasm, anger, and detachment, I could hear the pain in his voice as he said those last few words. The pain of someone who wanted nothing more than to live a normal life, but would never be able to.
"You don't know that," I answered as my fingers absentmindedly worked on taking down my hair from its intricate braided updo. "Besides, if all that stands between Harald and becoming King of all Norway is you, how long until he comes knocking on the gates of Kattegat to kill you?"
Ivar gave a humourless chuckle, lying back on the bed with his arms folded. "Harald doesn't know how to knock." But as I turned back towards him, face contorted into a worried frown, he reassuringly placed his hand on mine, as though silently telling me that everything would be okay. "I know that Harald would kill me if he could, but for now we need him. Once we've taken Kattegat, we can begin strengthening our defenses against him."
At this I gave a small smile, lying down on my side beside him, propping myself up with my arm. "Why wait?" I answered, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. "We could get married now, I could give you a child."
For a moment, the look in Ivar's ocean blue eyes told me everything. The hope, the joy at the idea of being both a father and a husband. But it quickly faded, and his expression moulded into one of stone. "It's impossible." He answered. "I cannot give you children."
I wasn't sure why some part of me had decided he was wrong. I'd never much cared about whether or not I had children. It would be nice but, as long as I had Ivar, I didn't particularly mind. When I reached out, turning his face towards me with furrowed brows and the smallest frown, it was as though the words that left me weren't even my own.
"Ivar," my voice was gentle, a whisper that echoed with a thousand unsaid words - soft sayings of love and devotion. "When you were a child, nobody thought you would love this far - that it would be impossible to survive. And yet, not only are you here, but you're one of the greatest Vikings who ever lived - and one day you will be even greater. And me? Being here? That is impossible. And yet, here I am." As he watched me, I could see a spark of something - of hope - in his eyes, and I could've lived in that small piece of hope forever. "I love you, whether we're able to have children or not. That doesn't matter to me. But one bad experience, with a girl that you didn't love, doesn't define your life, Ivar."
"What did I do," he questioned, bringing his lips up to mine in a kiss that left me utterly breathless. "To be sent someone so perfect?"
"I don't know," I grinned, kissing him again as I moved to straddle him, a small smirk playing across my lips. "You don't deserve me."
Ivar gave a small laugh but, when he looked up at me, my red curls a mess, dress slightly sliding down my shoulder, his face grew more serious. His eyes were wide, lips parted in anticipation. And, when our lips met again in another impassioned kiss, I knew that I'd been right all along.
