Trixlyn Shae

Chappy 3

I ran for what felt like hours upon hours, questioning my judgment, my decisions, my feelings.. Could I really accept myself for everything that I am?

Even the parts that are deepest inside of me, my thoufhts , my feelings. Nothing made sence. I run to think, but I run from myself for fear that even if o accepted what I had done, I could never go back.

Tears never came after I pulled that heavy trigger my eyes seemed to clear and I no longer felt like I needed to lie about who I was. Hell. I felt better then I had since...

Zane..

I fall to my knees and look at the night sky, so awake and beautiful. God, would you ever forgive me for my sin?

The conviction I feel goes deep into my bones, I grab onto the ground and dig my fingers into the damp earth, I had never felt so alone. I wraped my fingers in the earth grabbing handfuls of dirt and throwing the dirt. Beating the ground hard. Punching it over and over again, my right fist slammed into a tree root and just as it did wearing pain shot up my arm. I look through hooded eyes as tears that never seemed to end fell to the ground.

I look down at my fist and hiss, I had a tree root deep in between my knockles. I bite my lip and count out loud. "One. Two. Three-"

I pull my hand out of the root and gasp, "Son of a bitch-fuck! That's just great." I asses the damage done to my hand and shake my head.

I looked around and quickly pulled out my cell out of my back pocket.

Hey, I'm calling into work tonight, not feeling well.. -Trixie

What happened? Thought you were riding with that one guy? -Lex

No. I don't have time to explain right now, can you come get me? Trixlyn

Sure, where to bestie?-Lex

I'm just at the park about ten miles out of town, remember, near that cemetery?-Trixlyn

Yeah. I'll be there in ten.-Lex

Thanks chicka.-Trixlyn

Np- Lex

I close the phone and look up as I approach the city limit sign about a mile from the park and slide the phone into my back pocket as I take off running.

I get about halfway to the park and hear my phone ding indicating I have a new text. I keep running not thinking anything of it, until I hear two more dings in a row I pull the phone out. I'm now at the entrance of the park and very much out of breath.

I stand there catching my breath and remember that I just shot someone and their blood was all over my face. I shiver and just when I do I slide my hand up to my face and sure enough, I bring my hand down and examine it. Not only was my hand bleeding which was gross, my face was covered in a dead persons blood.

That's when I vomit. I never had a weak stomach unless it came to blood, then it was a whole different story. I pull my North Face jacket off which is covered in blood also and turn it inside out. I wipe the blood from my face as best I can and throw the jacket into a nearby trashcan.

My phone dings, "I'm here," and just as I look up she pulls into the park.

"Hey, thanks for coming to get me, can I come crash at your place for tonight?" I slide into the car ad I keep my head down.

"Sure thing, my moms actually out of town and dads on some sort of work conferance in Terra haute."

"Okay and can I borrow some clothes too..." I giggle a little at my disgusting attire, covered in dirt.

She giggles a little and punches my shoulder softly, "of course, you know I would do anything for you trixlyn.

I fight back the urge to cry and tell her everything. "Thanks bestie." She smiles as she takes off towars s columbia street.

Ever since we were kids I've told Alexis everything. We didn't have secrets from eachother. She knew my crushes, my darkest secrets. She knew my favorite color, that I was adopted, she even knew about Zane.

But, this. I could never share this secret with her and it broke me a little bit inside. I could trust her. However.. I didn't want to loose the only friend I ever had.

"I love you darlin." She smiles when she uses her country accent it always cheered me up.

"Love yew two gurl," I repeat it in a hip accent.

"You seem stressed, you wanna talk about it?"

"Sadly, all there is to say is that I'm pretty sure I hate my Duke." I shake my head and slide open the car door as we arrive at our destination.

"Really, last week you seemed pretty excited to ride with him." She winked over at me and giggled. Totally wanted to yell at her, but I couldn't. She didn't know.

"Ha. Ha. Your funny." I shake my head and laugh it off.

"You know if I wasn't with Lee I would tap that. I don't see why you wouldn't want to? Its time you move on you-"

"Shut the fuck up..dude I can't deal with you right now. Please in just fucking exhausted. Just leave me alone."

"Trix...I'm sorry, I just want you happy.. I didnt mean it like that."

I clench my jaw and uncontiously un-clench my fist, "its ok. I know you didn't. We're good."

"You can jump in the down stairs shower make sure u don't get mud everywhere, mom will kill if she comes home and the new carpet is ruined." She smiles at me and nods as she unlocks the door to her monumental summer home.

"Thanks, again, for...this." I gesture to the house and she just nods.

"I'll go grab some spare clothes out of my closet. Then we can sit and watch Into The Woods if you want? And I'll make popcorn."

"You had me at popcorn." I giggle and walk into the bathroom. I strip down and shower quickly. I turn off the shower and smile into the mirror my face blood free.

"You almost done in there?" A male voice yells through the door.

"Umm..yeah..one sec!" Zach thumps on the door softly.

"Hurry up woman I gotta go!"

I yell unable to control my anger, "okay!" I slide the towel around my body tightly my long blonde hair dropping over my shoulders and down my back. I bite my lip nervously and open the door.

Our eyes lock and in that moment I feel like I'm infinant. No words are said he just stares at me for a solid minute, looking me up and down. He reaches our to brush my long bangs out of my eyes and when he does his sister slides around the corner with pizza and vodka in hand.

Zachs hand drops before he even touches me. I wink at her and giggle as we escape to their living room.