The Roller Coaster of Your 20s

02. Runaway Child

When I was 9 years old, I ran away from my parents.

I'm not sure exactly how parents teach their children about independence. All I remember is having to pack my own bag for school. If I forget my homework or pack Sunday's books instead of Monday's I have no one but myself to blame. I learned early on that independence is not just about the freedom and the ability to make your own choices. A big part of being independent, is being accountable. Knowing that you are the bearer of the consequences of your choice, and still making it is what makes you truly independent. Man did my 9 year old self learn that lesson the hard way.

On the day I made one of my first stupid decisions in the name of independence, my sister and I were doing laps. We were in an Olympic sized pool at a swim academy in Zamalek. The coach was torturing us for hours of private training that would amount to nothing more than teach us how to float and not to drown in still water. The sun was beginning to set, and everyone was getting out of the pool heading straight to the showers. The huge light poles had been turned on—the sounds of whistles and shouting faded. The only swimmers left were the older kids who were actual athletes training for competitions.

By the time we were allowed out of the water, it was already dark. We were wrinkly, hungry, and tired as shit. We headed to our mom, who gave us our towels and told us to shower quickly because dad is on his way to pick us up. Now, if you've ever been to swim practice, you'd know how nasty the bathrooms are, especially if you're the last ones to get there. To make things worse, swimming had made me desperate to pee, but my boujee ass decided that there was no way in hell I'd use those toilets. So both my sister Yosra and I showered with our slippers on as quickly as we can and hurried back out fully dressed, hair dripping wet with a full bladder.

Ten minutes later, I decide that I can't hold it any longer. I ask my mom if we can go to nady El Ahly, which was a 5-minute walk from the academy so we can use the toilets there. Of course, my mom says, "no, go use the bathrooms upstairs or wait for your dad to come."
"But mamaaa."
"I said, no!"
"You know what? I'll go on my own!" I say defiantly stomping on the floor!
I needed to pee. It's my god-given right to empty my bladder, and no one is gonna take that away from me. She gives me the side-eye and says "go" and turns around to focus on forcing my baby sister Naiera into finishing her sandwich.

Now we all know that when a woman tells you to do something if you'd rather live to tell the tale, you do not do said thing. I, at the age of nine, had already known that. However, my teenage hormones were starting to build up in my little body and decided that I've had enough of my mom telling me what I can and can't do. So I pull my 6-year-old sister by the arm and wait for my mom to be distracted. When we're sure she's not looking, we sneak out of the academy unnoticed.

Now imagine we were two little Maadi girls, walking in a crowded street in Zamalek at night on our own pretending to be grownups who knew shit. We had no mobile phones, no IDs, and a mom who didn't even know that we ran away. I was starting to doubt my plan, and in all honesty, I didn't really need to pee that bad. I just didn't want my mom dictating my life. It was too late to turn around now, and after a walk that seemed longer than it really is, we made it safely to the nady. To my relief the security guy already knew us and let us in without IDs. We made our way to the closest bathroom only to find a crazy line, with what seemed like over 10 children waiting to pee. We were never gonna make it back in time before baba comes. We wait for a couple of minutes, then I start getting more nervous. It was taking too long. I decided that this was a mistake to go there and we have to head back before our parents get worried.

Now on the way TO the nady I was determined, confident, and full of adrenaline. I bet you all know the rush of making a stupid decision all too well. This was no different. On our way back, however, everything seemed scarier. The night seemed darker, the street looked more crowded, the academy felt too far away, and we were terrified. I started walking again slowly, grasping my sister's little hand, looking left and right nervously praying we don't get in trouble for this. We hadn't been long, I tell myself. They probably didn't even notice that we're gone yet. Little did I know that Naiera had already ratted us out the moment we were out of the door, and a search party was already on its way.

We started picking up our pace, running now on full panic mode when suddenly a car stops in front of us out of nowhere. A big arm pulls us inside, slamming and locking the door! At that moment, I wished we were kidnapped. I really did. I don't remember the exact look on my father's face because I was cowering in fear in the backseat, but the shouting gave me a pretty good idea of how fucked I was. I was so dead. I had scared the living hell out of my parents. I endangered not only myself, but my sister as well and I left my mom to carry all our stuff on her own. I was not getting away with this.

We make it home after what felt like the longest car ride of my life. I wish I'd only gotten a good beating, but no. What very little independence I had established in my 9 years of living was stripped away from me. I deserved it for being a little bitch and running away with a 6-year-old. Not only that, but I was also forced to run laps around the pool before every single practice! Believe me, when I tell you, I DO NOT RUN. Not even as a child. However, I had to pay for my act of rebellion, while Yosra made it completely unscathed. The thing about being the eldest is that you get blamed for everything. Your siblings ate crayons? Your fault. You should've been looking after them. Your old clothes don't fit them? Again, your fault. You were too tall when you were their age. You run away from your mom at night? Well, that one was actually on me, but you get my point.

Today as a 25-year-old woman, nothing's really changed. I still do stupid things despite knowing they're a terrible idea. However, I've learned to pick my battles, because when things go to shit I have no one but myself to blame. So kids, if you don't need to pee that bad, and your mom doesn't want to walk with three children at night, just shut up and save everybody the trouble. Just because you're able and want to do something doesn't mean that you have to do it. Learn to hold your pee in a little longer.