hide // muke

2

| l u k e |

With every secretly gay guy, there always comes a beard. Now, Michael's beard doesn't know that he's gay, but she has noticed how close I tend to get to Michael. So she considers me her enemy. I don't fight back with her though.

Her name is Courtney.

She blames stuff on me that she did just to get Michael mad at me. Sometimes I feel like kissing Michael right in front of her, but I know I can't. He would really be mad at me then. Too bad she actually has to be on tour with us.

She totally takes advantage of him though. Every day his wallet gets smaller and smaller. Sometimes I feel like Michael doesn't actually like guys only. Sometimes I feel like he has a real crush on Courtney. She's beautiful, and that's coming from a gay guy. But every night, Michael finds someway to assure me that he actually loves me.

Now, I'm sitting across from them in the main part of the bus. They were cuddled up, and Michael kissed her a lot. The same way I want him to be able to kiss me. She would giggle when he did it, and then they would end up making out a little, until they got interrupted by either someone entering the room, or I coughed.

I started watching The Breakfast Club, trying not to focus on them. It was hard to not notice them once the sound of kissing filled the room.

I pulled put my phone, and paused the movie. I acted as if I was getting a call from Calum.

"Hello. What shirt? Yeah. I'll get Michael to help me. Okay. Yeah. Bye cal." I said, with pauses in between.

I stood up, and looked over to Michael and Courtney who had stopped making out long enough to notice my phone call.

"Hey Michael? Can you help me get Calum's nike shirt? He's at the gym, and he said you'd know which one." I said, and Michael nodded, standing up, leaving Courtney on the couch.

We passed the bunks, and I led him to the back room. Once we got in there, he tilted his head at me.

"What about-" "That was a fake call. I just wanna talk to you for a second." I said, and he nodded, encouraging me to go on.

"I understand that you need Courtney to be your cover-up, but when I'm the only one in the room, can you tone it down a little please? I feel uncomfortable." I said quietly, and bit my lip nervously.

"I'm sorry babe. But listen, Courtney doesn't even know about us, so I can't have her thinking anythings going on." He said, and pouted.

"I know, but could you at least say something when she's a jerk to me? Or not makeout right in front of me? Please Michael?" I asked, and plopped down on the bed.

He closed the door, and sat down beside me. "I love you." He whispered, and kissed my lips. "Love you too." I mumbled, and he stood up. He dropped my hand, and kissed my cheek before he went back to her.

I need to break up with him so bad, but I can't. I hate seeing him love someone else, even if he says it doesn't mean anything.

I felt tears drop onto my hand, and I laid down. I sobbed quietly into the pillow, not wanting Michael or Courtney to hear.

Why can't he just love me? Love me without having to be hidden.

He's never there for me anymore. We used to be all cuddly, and he'd come to my house everyday, but now we make out in the closet every once in a while and say I love you a few times everyday.

I need to stop this thing me and Michael call a 'relationship' before it hurts me anymore.

I dried my face, and walked out to the living room.

"Michael. Ashton's drunk and needs us to come get him." I lied, and he stood up slowly.

"Why both of you?" Courtney asked, and popped her gum.

"One of us has to drive his car back." I said, and glared back at her.

"Just hang out here babe?" Michael asked.

She nodded, and laid back down, as Michael followed me out of the bus. I pulled my hood up to block out the cold New York air, and put on my sunglasses. "Who gets drunk in the middle of the day?" Michael asked and walked beside me. "Ashton's not drunk." I whispered, and looked ahead. "Luke? Then why did you-" "I wanted to get out for a minute." I said quietly, and he stopped walking.

"Luke? Me and Courtney were kinda in the middle of something." He said, and I turned to him. "I bet you were." I said, and held his hand. "Luke. Don't do that. Were in public." He whispered, and I rolled my eyes, dropping his hand. "Sorry." I whispered, and led him into an little tiny coffee shop that was pretty much empty. I led him into the back, and we sat in a booth. I watched as he let the blinds fall in front of the window, just incase someone were to see us.

A little old lady came up to us, and Michael ordered two hot chocolates because he knows I don't like coffee.

"Luke. What's this about?" He sighed, and I looked down. I took off my sunglasses, and laid them on the table beside me. "I just wanted to talk. We never spend time together anymore, you know." I said, and he sighed again.

The little lady brought back the hot chocolate, and I just left it sitting in front of me.

"Luke listen. I can't be there all the time, and you know that, and you know why." He said quietly. "Yeah." I whispered. I reached across the table, and grabbed his hand, but he snatched it away.

"I'm sick of this Michael." I whispered, and looked down at my hand laying on the table, just waiting to be held. "Can't you see how much you're hurting me?" I asked, and felt my eyes swell up.

"Luke. I want to be there for you, all the time, but I can't." He stressed. "Yes you can! Nobody said you couldn't! Michael you can hold me, hug me, kiss me whenever you want, you just choose not to!" I whined.

"I can't come out! Not yet at least!" He snapped, and I retracted my hand. "Michael, I can't do this anymore. I love you to death, but I just can't keep doing this. I want you to be with me all the time, and i want you to he proud to have me as a boyfriend. I feel worthless when you won't let me hold your hand in public, because honestly, that's all I want to do." I said quietly, and I saw him frown.

"Luke. Are you breaking up with me?" He asked, and I nodded. He sighed, leaning back against the seat of the booth. "Michael I'm sorry." I whispered, and he leaned on his elbow. "I feel like I've wasted two years of my life." He mumbled.

"Don't say that. I still want to be with you but I can't stand seeing you be all romantic in front of people with Courtney and know that you won't even be like that with me." I sighed.

"I just want to end on a good note. Until you can be proud of me, and not keep me hidden, we should break up." I said quietly, and he nodded.

"See you back at the bus."