Darrius struts in the bar, scanning the scene giving out HMB’s to the girls in sight. HMB. That’s something Reece, Brandon and he, made up in their college days to rate a girl.
H- How
M- Many
B-Beers
How many beers do you need in your system to sleep with that particular feminine specimen.
That was before Brandon went gay and fell in love with Reece. What a mess! He shakes his head at his thoughts.
Sam, the bartender taps on his shoulder and points him to corner of the bar.
“HMB 0, there” He says to Darrius.
Darrius looks up to a girl in short black dress standing on a table alone. He tilts his head to get a full view of her ass and hisses through his teeth, “Hot damn!”
He struts towards the girl with his signature overconfident smile on, which eventually turns into a frown similar to the one a person has when they are their constipated shit is playing a tag war with the outer world, when she looks up at him.
“Aw crap, here goes nothing” He consoles himself.
“Hi! I just saw you shitting ther-I mean sitting ther-I mean standing there. I swear I am cool.”
“Okay and I believe you.” She said and turned her head to the other side.
“So, can I have a name?” Darrius asks getting some of his composure back.
“What happened to yours?” She replies with an eyebrow arched up.
‘Oooh..Hot body and smart mouth. She keeps getting hotter and hotter..’
“Darrius” He offers his hand.
“Sara” She offers her hand back to him. He takes it kisses her knuckles.
“Oh a hand kisser. Okay..” She states with a mockery face.
‘Wth? Fuck, is she lesbian?! That would suck. If she is then break a leg, the lesbian girl in blue dress at 9 o’clock.’
“So, what do you do for a living?” He asks hopefully to get on her good side.
“Oh I am a female impersonator.” She says smiling sweetly at him.
“I know what you are doing. You are playing hard to get, I will buy you some drinks, then tell you some funny stories and by the end of the night you are coming home with me. So let’s just cut to the chase and tell me, whose place? Yours or mine?”
“Both. You go to yours and I will go to mine.” She replies with the same sweet smile which was starting to irritate Darrius now.
“Okay, so are we really doing this? Alright, as you wish! Lets talk. So how are you here all by yourself tonight? With a face like yours you must turn some heads!”
“Funny that you ask. I was actually trying to get away from this hand kissing-funny story telling-blue shirt wearing weirdo. But I don’t think that’s going too well. And now instead of turning someone else’s head, I am ready to turn my own stomach over.”
She scowls at him and takes her purse from the table. She drops a key to the ground and bends over to pick it up. And let’s just say darrius’s face was not one of his family album moment face. It was more like a picture from the banner of, ‘I-am-spongebob-eyes-and-I-have-a-waterfall-in-my-mouth’ charity site.
After coming back to earth from the dreamland of boobs and asses, Darrius realises that his flavour of the day is out of the bar.
He runs towards the exit grabbing his coat and yelling to Sam, “Put it on my tab!”
He finds her near the bus stand round the street.
“Come on. Don’t tell me I didn’t affect you even a bit. Come on. You win. Now go on..Ask me out.” Darrius moves towards her smirking and talking at the same time.
“Okay. Get out” She replies.
But before he could comprehend what she said he slips and falls to the ground. Face first. On dig poo.
“Oh look at that. The asshole finally has some shit on it.” Sara says smirking.
She shakes her head and starts walking, “This is why I prefer trains. Bus stops are not my forte!”
