College Girl, Trin

-one

My head rested comfortably against my pillow, body cocooned in the warm blue sheets. It was so late, I wasn't sure of the time. The time was unconcerning either way, as I lied in bed, hearing nothing. I wasn't usually mindful enough to listen to the silence. It starts off simple, air conditioning, and the sound of cars passing by. Then it's the sound of sound until all you can focus on is the inner thoughts.

I wondered how long it would be until something eventful would happen in my life. Everything is so repetitive now, boring. Wake up, eat, school, eat, sleep. There was always a boy, but they were always the same. Boring.

My thoughts assaulted me.

Most days I didn't notice my discontent. But when I did, it spread from my brain, to my chest, to my fingers and toes. I could feel it everywhere. I would never be satisfied. That's how I felt. My car could be newer. My apartment could be decorated nicer. My boyfriend could work harder, treat me better. I could be doing more. At what point would it be enough?

Instead of thinking some more, I closed my eyes, counting, distracting myself, hoping that my brain would shut off quickly.

Eventually, I'm not sure what number I stopped at, but all conscious thoughts blessedly ceased.

*

The sun burned through my eyelids, honey colored eyes dilating to compensate. Why don't I own black out curtains? I sighed, stretched, groaned, and sighed again. The clock flashed in my peripheral.

6:53am

I had class in a couple hours. So, I stretched again, once or twice, and dragged myself out of bed. I always liked starting early, made me feel like I was accomplishing something in the peak of my boring life.

I got myself ready, hygiene always a plus when using my favorite combination of soaps, lotions, and perfumes. I decided to dress better than I felt, which wasn't saying much, with my sweatsuit and retros. I fixed my hair into a coily high bun with the little edges and the two curls on either side. Easy, not exhausting.

Next was breakfast, the most basic avocado toast and over medium eggs, so good though. I ate slow, scrolling through text after text. My eyes read over a text from some guy I barely knew and wished didn't have my number. They never know when to stop fucking bothering you. Blocked.

I slid my phone into my pocket, rinsed my plate, then grabbed my keys and headed for the car, backpack on shoulder. The weather is good today, a plus for my gray mood. I glanced around my street, seeing no one in particular. Boring complex.

McQueen roared to life when I started her up. I gave her a few minutes to awaken before I switched gears. I noted the need to refill the champagne toast fragrance soon. Lightly removing my foot from the brake, I started my journey.

The university wasn't far, my preference. I wanted to stay close to the place where I grew up.

It took me 24 minutes to get there. My class started in 4 minutes. By the time I'd exited the car, grabbed my backpack, walked in the building and hustled up the steps, I was exactly one minute late. Entering the classroom, I kept my eyes on my phone as I took my seat, a nervous habit so I don't have to catch anyones awkward eye. Scrolling through texts still, I raised my brows at the "We're going to get married one day" text from a guy I met in class only last semester. Clearly, there's an issue with me being too friendly. How does this man even have my number?

The teacher talked.

"Good morning class. If you could all put your phones away," Was she targeting me? "Let's start with discussion groups for Jane Eyre. If you could turn and talk with the one nearest to you?"