Deer Ballerina

Part 2

"Good job man", they hit me hard on my shoulder, "that was epic. Doesn't mean I won't get the next solo though!" He laughed and was gone already looking for more booze. We are athletes, dancing up to ten hours a day but on opening night all hell breaks loose.

Someone picked a Hip Hop playlist, girls were dancing, shaking their butts in front of the boys. Someone had given me a red cup with some cola-mixture that would surely kick me out of my shoes if I didn't have as much muscle.

I was looking for her. I made a decent job in hiding how much I fell for this girl. The hours and hours of training, just us two and I never got used to her extraordinary. She gave you looks that were girlish at one point and animalistic and free spirited the next, sucking you in off stage just like her dance on stage.

I went into a little hallway that connected the living rooms with the bedroom. We were in an apartment with just as many square feet as chandeliers and glass surfaces so I anticipated for a rather long search.

I found her in the farthest little nook sitting on the floor, knees drawn to her chest. She was trembling, her gaze was directed into a great unknown. I immediately kneeled down beside her, pulling her into my embrace, caressing her hair. She held on tight. "What is it", I whispered.  Her words were barely intelligible. "I need to get out", she said. I helped her up and guided her to the fire escape that led to the roof. She slipped a few times trying to climb up the ladder but when we made it out she was able to take normal breaths again.

The air was warm and had this magic of the moment right after sun set when everything becomes gloomy and the spirits of night slowly wake up.

She touched my arm and said in a still slightly weak voice: "Thank you." She takes a few steps on the roof away from me and I follow.

„It happens so much more often now", she says. "The panic attacks?" "Yes. Although I don't even know if they are panic attacks. I feel as though... I feel as though I am like a side of a magnet being held back from uniting with the other piece." After a short break in which she looked over the roofs of the city she turned back to me. "That sounded like trash, I am sorry." "No, no, actually it sounded rather poetic", I said and took her hands. She smiled that endearing smile, in her brown eyes a spark caught fire. "Do you want to dance?", she asked. I just nodded, took out my phone and played a rather calming classical piece. She pulled a sizeable number of pins out of her bun and drove her unforgiving fingers through the messed-up hair. Then she let her head fall back, her arms rose and she took off. She jumped with immense strength high in the air, over the little walls that separated roof from roof. Within seconds she was out of reach and I followed less gracefully. It was like I was following an animal that ran for its life.

When I reached her, she started pirouettes. I stood myself behind her, put my hands next to her waist to give her stability at every turn. But she didn't need it, she never touched my hands turn after turn. After quite some while, she fell into my chest, breathing quickly.

That felt so good", she said as I held her up. She turned around and I felt her panting on my chest. Her cheeks had become pink, her lips dry and dark red.

We laid down, she cuddled up to me and I never felt better in my life. She opened my shirt and let her fingers trace drunken symbols on my skin.

"I don't know where to go", she said. "After senior year? Didn't you get that offer?" "What? No. I mean, yes I think I did." I rose a bit to look at her face. "What do you mean you think you did? I saw the E-Mail!" She looked into a different reality or so it seemed, just as though I, the city or the roof weren't there. "Oh. Yes", the veil lifted. "Sure. Sorry. What was I saying? I'm sorry, I'm not myself today", she buried her face in her hands.

"No need to apologize", I said quietly as I pulled them back and looked into her aching eyes. I couldn't but stroke her face and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

She came closer or I did and she kissed me. She tasted as sweet as ever, likekindness and eternity.