I want to stop them
My dreams
I want to stop them
I don’t want to stop trying hard to get what I want
I don’t want to stop falling in love with you
Ever.
I want the rash visions I see when I fall asleep to vanish
They aren’t even nightmares
I’m just far more thoughtless and defenseless and quiet than I am in person
I cannot speak the words I normally do
I cannot call you or wake up when I want to
I am no longer in control
And all the stupid little demons
Like the words sad, hate, upset,
That I avoid and dodge on poorly lit street corners
They can grab me
And I can’t pull myself together
So they pull me under
I can’t jolt from my sleep.
You aren’t there every night.
Why do you think I wake up so often?
I keep having dreams of feeling a little bit upset.
I am just a little bit sad.
And that’s not me.
I am not being chased by a monster.
There is nothing threatening my life.
I just wish I was myself in my dreams
