Hiraeth

Part I

Hiraeth: (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, or that maybe never was.

...

If asked, Caitlin Snow wasn't sure if she could pinpoint the exact moment her decision had been made. It happened gradually, like the sun slowly rising over a city.

To the outside observer, it probably seemed like a snap judgment, a spur of the moment calculation made by a weary soul who couldn't bring herself to lose anybody else. But, truthfully, the resolve had entered her mind long before the actual date arrived.

It had begun when Barry had admitted to her how scared he truly was to 'vanish in the crisis'. When he had broken down in the quiet of her med bay one night and said he wasn't ready to leave everyone and everything he loved behind; even if he knew he'd make the same decision every time. In that moment, Caitlin had made a silent vow to herself; either she was going to stop it from happening, or she was going to go with him. He didn't deserve any of this, he didn't deserve to be adrift and alone. She was going to make sure he wasn't, even if she didn't understand how yet.

So naturally, when the Crisis inevitably arrived and the angry red sky rumbled above them, Caitlin made sure to stick as close to Barry as possible, on and off the battlefield. In the end, she found herself standing next to the Flash, Eobard Thawne's strained and ragged laughs drifting through the air.

"You're done, Thawne," Barry said through gritted teeth, kneeling above the battered body of the other speedster.

Eobard's laughter only intensified, his shoulders shaking from the mirth of whatever it was he found so funny.

"Did you really think," he gasped out, "it was just a coincidence that the sky was Flash red?"

Barry froze in place, eyes drifting to the crackling crimson storm above them. Suddenly, he reached forward and grabbed Eobard by the collar, yanking him up to face him.

"What did you do?" Barry bit out.

Eobard only smiled through blood-stained teeth, allowing his head to lull back a little under the Flash's hold.

"I didn't have to do anything, that's the beauty of it. Realities are colliding, Flash, the Speed Force has been torn open," he explained in an easy, low tone. "And if you want even a chance at stopping it or salvaging any form of reality, you're going to have to make a sacrifice."

"What does that mean?" Caitlin spoke up from beside Barry, willing her voice to remain firm and steady.

The Reverse Flash's gaze slid to her, a familiar kind of fondness in his eyes. The same way he used to look at her and Cisco when they solved a particularly difficult problem. It made her feel uneasy, the old sting of betrayal clawing its way back to the surface.

"Barry is a living Speed Force generator," he replied calmly, "he can take it back with him, he can fix it."

"So the way I see it," Eobard continued, his eyes drifting back to Barry, "you can either stay here and try to stop me, or you can go into the Speed Force and save the day like a good little hero. It's time to decide, Barry. Which is more important to you? Getting your revenge on me, or saving the lives of everyone you love?"

Barry leveled his gaze with the other speedster, a silent fire burning within him.

"Tick tock, Flash. Tick tock."

Then, just as suddenly as Barry had latched onto him, he let go, the speedster's head slamming back down onto the pavement with a thud.

Eobard only chuckled quietly, "That's what I thought."