so if you will please fall in love with me!

chapter 1

Journal Entry #1 -- 7/1/19

Today is just another day of trying to get by without her. Okay, that sounds wrong. She isn't dead she just... isn't mine. And I should be happy for her - that's all I want. For her to be happy. Even if she's with someone else who isn't me but who is one of my closest friends. No big deal.

Except it is. For me, I mean.

And not that I'd do anything to break her and Rich up, I just... wish it

was me instead. I'm feeling sorry for myself now, ew.

Honestly, I should just let things run its course and see how things turn out. Either in my favor or not. Made a promise to myself to not be That kind of guy.

Anyway. Enough self-pitying and lamenting.

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Journal Entry #2 -- 7/4/19

So it's, like, 3 am, right? Which I guess technically makes this entry on the 5th but I'm stoned so whatever lmao.

But Yael and Jeremy are sleeping over and everyone left right, so the three of us got stupid high and now I'm just rerealizing how fucking gorgeous Yael is, like DUDE!!!!

We watched and set off fireworks with the rest of our friends and she was so enamoured by them and the lights made her look extra fucking pretty and GOD I WANNA KISS HER SO BAD MAN!!!! BUT I CAN'T!!! UGH!!!

However, I will say props to you, Richard Goranski, for your taste in girls. She is so pretty I wish I told her how I felt before. Like even now I just wanna wake her up and tell her to break up with him but I'm not that kind of person and not only would it hurt them, but it would cost me my two best friends (don't worry jeremy ur still numba one in my heart... but not in any game)

OKAY IT'S LATE AND I'M GETTING TIRED.

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Journal Entry #5 -- 7/30/19

Okay, hi, wow told myself I was gonna keep up with this and then I didn't! You can't see it but I'm finger gunning.

Anyway, unfortunately, school is starting soon and that obviously means less time for me to write in here but just know that I am forever pining for Yael. You know she smells like strawberries? She slept over last night and was freezing so I gave her my jacket to wear and she fell asleep in it and when she left this morning, she handed it back to me after changing and kissed me on the cheek, thanking me.

I didn't freak. I'm cool like that.

I totally freaked.

But then I walked her out and watched her go down the road until she turned and then I went back downstairs and fell onto my bed with my face smushed into my hoodie. She texted me once she got home with a purple heart and I know it doesn't mean anything past platonically but I can't stop reading into things and I know I'm getting my hopes up and probably fooling myself but I'm just so. So fucking smitten and, as Jeremy says, "fucking whipped, dude."

I'm in love and it sucks because I know she'll never love me back.

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Journal Entry #6 -- 8/14/19

See, like I said. Less time to write. But, not like I would've?? Not much has happened since last update?? Like we started school, we share study hall and math together. Which is great, she's so much better at math than I am. I have chem with Brooke and thank GOD for that, she's a whiz. But uh, most of my other classes are scattered with everyone else, but I have the most classes with Jeremy. Unsurprisingly.